In this episode of the In the Rising podcast, host Bettina M Brown interviews Kayla Taylor about her book "Canaries Among Us: A Mother's Quest to Honor Her Child's Individuality in a Culture Determined to Negate It". The conversation delves into the topic of bullying and how it affects children with learning differences and anxiety. Kayla shares her personal journey of helping her own child navigate these challenges and the stigma that often surrounds them.
She discusses the prevalence of bullying and learning differences among children, emphasizing the importance of raising awareness and providing support for families going through similar experiences. Overall, this episode sheds light on the widespread issue of bullying and aims to inspire and empower individuals and families facing these challenges.
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In this episode of the In the Rising podcast, host Bettina M Brown interviews Kayla Taylor about her book "Canaries Among Us: A Mother's Quest to Honor Her Child's Individuality in a Culture Determined to Negate It". The conversation delves into the topic of bullying and how it affects children with learning differences and anxiety. Kayla shares her personal journey of helping her own child navigate these challenges and the stigma that often surrounds them.
She discusses the prevalence of bullying and learning differences among children, emphasizing the importance of raising awareness and providing support for families going through similar experiences. Overall, this episode sheds light on the widespread issue of bullying and aims to inspire and empower individuals and families facing these challenges.
Thank you for your time and interest in this podcast! I invite you to leave a heartfelt review on whichever podcast platform you listen to. It does so much to bring exposure to the podcast and helps lift others up!
To leave a review, helping us spread the contents of this podcast- click on this link! Thank you!
Connect with me!
Website: In the Rising Podcast Website
Email: Bettina@intherising.com
In the Rising Pinterest:
In the Rising Facebook
Check out the Website: Fit after Breast Cancer
[00:00:00] Bettina M Brown: Hello and welcome to In the Rising podcast. My name is Bettina and this is the platform I've chosen to talk about living a life that's in alignment with your hopes, your dreams, and your goals. And sometimes walking into a life that's full of your hopes and dreams means realizing that And You yourself may have been bullied as a child from family, friends, school kids, or you may have witnessed this firsthand of other people.
[00:00:28] Bettina M Brown: And for so many people that I have conversations with, it, it just stays with you. And I have the opportunity to speak with Kayla Taylor. A mother who describes her own process of going through this with her own children and really looking to do more in life than just tolerate. Well, thank you so much, Kayla, for being with me today.
[00:00:51] Bettina M Brown: I'm, I'm really excited that you're here. You're talking about a really strong topic of bullying. And I can personally relate as I am a mother and I have a mother of a child that has a different learning style. And so thank you so much for being on the, in the rising podcast today.
[00:01:11] Kayla Taylor: I’m really honored to be here.
[00:01:13] Kayla Taylor: And I'm sorry that you can relate to the bowling, but unfortunately, far too many families can. So, I'm glad we're talking about it.
[00:01:20] Bettina M Brown: Yes, and so this is October. This is National Bullying Prevention Month. Tomorrow is October 12th, National Stop Bullying Day, and in your, in your book, Canaries Among Us, A Mother's Quest to Honor Her Child's Individuality in a Culture Determined to Negate It, you share some of your own story.
[00:01:41] Bettina M Brown: Can you give a quick description? Of why you felt compelled to write this book.
[00:01:47] Kayla Taylor: I felt compelled to write this book because I was helping a child deal with learning differences, bullying and anxiety. And in the process, as I reached out for help, I had a lot of people not understand our situation. And as a result, they dismissed us.
[00:02:08] Kayla Taylor: And the consequence was highly debilitating. I felt very alone in a deep, dark hole. And I wanted other families to know that they're not the only 1 as I came, you know, I worked really hard over several years, did a ton of research and finally got my children to better footing. And when I did that, I looked around and I could see so many other families going through these issues and they too all felt all alone, but they were right next to each other.
[00:02:33] Kayla Taylor: So, I wanted to. You know, attack the stigma that is keeping us all quiet because these issues are so, so, so common, you know, bullying affects 20 to 30 percent of all kids. Although most don't report it sadly, because they're worried. The adults won't manage the situation. Well 20 percent of all kids are affected by learning differences.
[00:02:53] Kayla Taylor: Pre COVID, the NIH estimated that a 3rd of all adolescents would experience anxiety. I can only imagine that issue is, or that incidence is quite a bit higher now, unfortunately. And when you pile these statistics together, it's pretty obvious. Most families are challenged, but no one's talking. And so, I wanted to do that.
[00:03:15] Kayla Taylor: I wanted to pay it forward and give the families that are just a little younger than us the story that would help them know they're not alone and pass along the data and the research that helped me advocate for my child so that they could be in a better position to do so.
[00:03:32] Bettina M Brown: And, you know, just to know you're not alone because it's very isolating.
[00:03:34] Kayla Taylor:
[00:03:36] Kayla Taylor: So, it sounds like you might know from personal experience.
[00:03:38] Bettina M Brown: Yes, just to know that you're not alone trying to help your child. Because sometimes it feels that way when you're working through all the system that. You may be pioneering in, right? Right.
[00:03:52] Kayla Taylor: I think you know, so often because of bowling, I'll focus on that issue.
[00:03:56] Kayla Taylor: You know, it's people know it's bad, but have trouble identifying and when it happens and
[00:04:03] Bettina M Brown: the title of your book canaries among us it came, you were reading, you described in the book, you were reading love warrior by Glenn and Doyle. I've read that book a long time ago, and I loved it. I'm going to quote here.
[00:04:14] Bettina M Brown: When the toxins levels rose too high, the canary stopped singing and the silence was the minor signal to flee the mine. Share with me your idea of how this sentence came to be part of the title of the book.
[00:04:28] Kayla Taylor: Right. So, the second I read that line, I realized. Oh, my gosh, my child is a canary. In the book, I detail a few experiences where she noticed things that the adults around her didn't notice.
[00:04:44] Kayla Taylor: For example, I talked once about how she came and complained about a babysitter, and I thought she was just being a child, not wanting to deal with her. Parent right, who would rather be with her parent than the babysitter. But then 1 night, my child said to me, mommy, when I think of this babysitter, my heart turns brown and she was 3 or 4 and it didn't occur to me that she might know what her anatomy looked like.
[00:05:11] Kayla Taylor: So, I said, honey, what colors are your insides normally? And she said, well, pink or red or something like that. But when I think of this babysitter, my heart turns. Brown or gray or what color is it when things burn and they die. And her consequently, her little blue eyes actually are huge round and looking at me.
[00:05:31] Kayla Taylor: So innocently in that juxtaposed with these words, just, you know, I couldn't help. But notice that something was going on with this child and she was noticing others weren't. And then when I read that passage in the book, I was able to identify that I have this child. That's a canary that notices things that other that other people might not notice.
[00:05:51] Kayla Taylor: By the way, that we ended up needing to fire that babysitter because other people eventually ended up confirming what my child was saying. And then I learned she had a, you know, a subsequent strings of having to keep. Had a hard time keeping a job because she actually, you know. You know, what's not good to children.
[00:06:08] Bettina M Brown: And that's really important to, to notice that, you know, children don't describe things the way we do. They describe them with their language and their experience to that date. Right. And it is for us to stop with our vocabulary and all of our actions and, and just hear the feeling because we can hear that very well.
[00:06:29] Kayla Taylor: Right. I think, you know, A, because we are often so in a rush and trying to get to the next thing and be, you know, I think we were all raised in an environment where maybe we were maybe seen, but not heard and we need to toe the line. Right? That we, too, are learning how to honor people's truths and listen before just guiding and passing judgment.
[00:06:54] Bettina M Brown: You also, I'm going to quote your book again, where, where you were talking with someone and they said this to you, isn't bullying just part of elementary school? Right. Share how you felt when you heard that line.
[00:07:08] Kayla Taylor: That was particularly debilitating because it was from one of my very best friends who I know has my back and I know cares for my children.
[00:07:18] Kayla Taylor: But I think it was indicative of the fact that In many cases, bullying is treated somewhat of a rite of passage. And so, yeah, it, it hurt a lot when a good friend said that though. I know she didn't mean to hurt me, but maybe her. Saying that made me realize I needed to become a lot more informed because if I can't convince 1 of my best friends that my child needs support, I'm going to have a really hard time with other people who aren't as aligned with us.
[00:07:44] Kayla Taylor: Yes,
[00:07:45] Bettina M Brown: yes. And you share also that, you know, studies have shown that the children that instigate this bullying, they have a lot of the same outcomes as the children that have been bullied. Difficulty holding jobs increased criminal activity, difficulty emotionally sharing what your thoughts when you learned about that, that the person, the child bullying your own child and children.
[00:08:09] Bettina M Brown: Would maybe have some of the same issues,
[00:08:12] Kayla Taylor: right? So they have a lot of the same issues, like feelings of self, you know, low self-esteem, stress related ailments, mental health issues academic impairments, substance abuse. I could go on, but I did find it interesting that the kids who target others experience those things.
[00:08:30] Kayla Taylor: And all the things you mentioned, I mean, I guess it shouldn't be a surprise that kids who have a. Who have trouble with relationships earlier in life will continue to have those, especially if they're in environments that don't give them the tools to behave in more socially appropriate way ways. And so, I, I think the big takeaway from that.
[00:08:52] Kayla Taylor: For me was bullying affects the entire ecosystem. I think we often feel sorry just for the child who's targeted. But, for example, bystanders are affected as well when children aren't targeted, but they see the child next to them be targeted. They often feel as if there's no community code that they, too, aren't safe that if they speak up to help this child, they, too, will be targeted and the adults won't come to help them.
[00:09:19] Kayla Taylor: And then so likely, they might duck their head understandably, but then they suffer from a sense of moral failure that they know they should help 1, but they didn't. And so that can be, you know, that can affect them as well with stress and mental health issues. And then, in terms of the ecosystem, kids who are bullied and maybe bystanders and.
[00:09:41] Kayla Taylor: Kids who target others also go home to families, and there's a spillover effect with that family. Our family as you read the book, we'll see was quite impacted at home by the things that we're having at school. And then if you're a parent at home, not getting sleep, really sad and frustrated and upset.
[00:09:58] Kayla Taylor: That the community isn't supporting your child, you then go to work, for example, frustrated and angry and upset, and you're maybe not your best self there and you affect the other people there the younger or even older children in the family can see all the attention going to this 1 child who's being targeted.
[00:10:13] Kayla Taylor: And be resentful, and maybe the child who's being bullied at school comes home and takes out their aggression on the other children at home. So the consequences are quite wide ranging. And if we don't nip these issues in the bud they really affect our entire community. Yes.
[00:10:30] Bettina M Brown: What is one thing that you feel, one lesson you feel you have learned through, through this experience with your family?
[00:10:39] Kayla Taylor: Well, there are several. But as I worked through this book, you know, writing was somewhat of a catharsis for me, just working through all my thoughts and feelings. And The 1 thing I kept coming back to is that right now we live in a society that has pretty high standards for what it considers to be normal or average.
[00:10:58] Kayla Taylor: And so we're all somewhat pushed into a box and the implications are wide ranging. But if we just had a shift of mind that encourages to appreciate and celebrate 1 another's differences more than judge them, everything changes. You know, there's a lot of talk about. Yeah. Tolerance, which I suppose is a beautiful thing.
[00:11:19] Kayla Taylor: It is a nice thing, but don't we want to do more than tolerate people? Wouldn't it be more fun to celebrate people and appreciate each other's differences and learn from one another and think of how much more that could be contributed to our communities and to society. More kids would thrive in school who would grow up to more human beings thriving in our communities.
[00:11:40] Kayla Taylor: I just like the view of that. It's so much more positive. And so that's what I'm embracing. Yes.
[00:11:46] Bettina M Brown: And your book canaries among us a mother's quest to honor her child's individuality in a culture determined to negate it is one step in that direction to really focus on what we can, which is our family and also our own behavior and what we're modeling and what is important to us as adults because someone is always watching us.
[00:12:08] Bettina M Brown: Neighbors, coworkers, and our children as well.
[00:12:13] Kayla Taylor: Absolutely, Bettina. And you know, I'm hopeful that efforts like the one you're making to bring people in community to talk about these issues will really help as well. So thank you so much for what you're doing.
[00:12:24] Bettina M Brown: Thank you. So Kayla, thank you so much for your time.
[00:12:28] Bettina M Brown: Thank you for writing this book. I know that must have been also stressful to rehash a lot of events, but you know through those you have reached For sure, one mother and many more, many more parents out there that will use. The lessons and knowing they're not alone to really create a better world for ecosystem for their child.
[00:12:49] Bettina M Brown: So thank you so much, Kayla, for your time today.
[00:12:51] Kayla Taylor: Thank you, Bettina. That was my goal. And Karen canaries among us is available anywhere, any bookstore you go to now, including independent bookstores. So I hope it's helpful. Thank you.
[00:13:01] Bettina M Brown: So this was a really good conversation and it could have lasted another two, three hours.
[00:13:07] Bettina M Brown: In fact, it's a conversation that I hope that you can share with other people. If you feel that it resonates with them or that it relates to their own story, having been bullied. And having witnessed it many times, I know that it can really transform your life and your view. And so I welcome you to share this with someone.
[00:13:28] Bettina M Brown: And I welcome you to read Kayla Taylor's book, canaries among us, a mother's quest to honor her child's individuality in a culture determined to negate it. And so I appreciate the time that you spent here today because you know what time is something we don't get back. And if you appreciate this podcast, I.
[00:13:48] Bettina M Brown: Invite you to hit subscribe and I also invite you to leave a review, a heartfelt, true, honest review because it does so much for this podcast and putting it in the hands and ears of those that can make your dreams come true. So until next time, let’s build one another up!