Episode 132: Kimberly Spencer from Crown Yourself on the Importance of Choice, Dreams and Belief

Kimberly Spencer is an award-winning high performance, trauma-informed coach and trainer, Amazon best-selling co-author, international motivational speaker, and the founder of CrownYourself.com, helping visionary leaders transform their self-limiting stories, stand out authentically, build their empire and achieve their full potential.

Her work has been featured on The CW, ESPN, Netflix, and NPR, and in Thrive Global, CNBC, and Forbes.

 She is proof that it's better to make your own mold than to conform to someone else's.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

That business and innovation would be such a use for good in this world. And that when more goodhearted mission-minded purpose driven, conscious leaders are making more money. That is how we transform the story of the planet.

Speaker 2: 0:21

Greetings. My name is Betina brown, and this is in the rising podcast where I love to talk to people about living a life that's in alignment with your hopes, your dreams, and your goals, and walking away from that shame blame game. That does nothing for you. That is exactly what my guest today, Kimberly Spencer has done. She has transformed her story, transformed her mindset into a free mindset, and really just gone after her dream. And that includes starting up an e-commerce company, becoming an Amazon bestseller, opening a Pilate studio and being a wife and mother. And so I really look forward to you hearing her story and how she shares these moments, where she talks about her challenges and how they have cultivated, uh, confidence in her that radiates not only through a podcast, but radiates in everything she does. I'm thrilled to talk to you today, Kimberly, because I've done my research on you. Your you, you are a phenomenal woman, so you are what I envision of in the rising, right? Who's been through some things and has risen to the place where she is now sharing that knowledge and how helping invigorate other people to achieve what their goals are. Um, that's all I can say. Like I was just struck when I was like, oh my gosh, you know, but you named yourself as a multi passionate person at this point in time. And that has gotten a really bad rap. Sometimes that multi passion is someone who can't focus. Um, what are your thoughts on that?

Speaker 1: 2:04

Well, multi passionate. It depends on what you're creating. So one of the things that, um, I've heard multi passion can also be reinterpreted as a serial entrepreneur, and I've seen that title. And I, and I, whenever I, I am present with a client or somebody who has that, who uses that as their title, I ask, like, what is that one thing that they're focused on? So the, the business that I'm really in, I'm multi passionate in how I've gone about doing it, but the through line for all of my businesses, whether it's been from screenwriting and getting my films produced and distributed on Netflix, um, to being a Pilates in, to be owning a co-owning an e-commerce company to having crown yourself.com and founding that, being a coach in that the through line for all of my businesses has always been that I transform people's stories that that is what I am in the business of doing so, yes, has it it's been done in different mediums, but I'm the, the main business that I'm really in is in the business of transforming people's stories about what is possible for their life and, and for their businesses. So when I'm, when I meet someone who's multi passionate, if they haven't had success in some area, then that to me says that there's some sort of lack of focus, um, maybe a lack of narrowing their niches to who they, of, of who they wanna target and who they wanna serve. Um, and when I hear serial entrepreneur, I, I, Richard Branson is a serial entrepreneur. Like he's had billion dollar success in multiple different industries. When I hear serial entrepreneur where there's not been any success in sale, like in, or very little success, then that to me says, says scattered focus. So in every one of my businesses, I had a level of success. And then, but I didn't have the level fulfillment that I thought. So when I first started out in screenwriting, I thought that was my dream. Like to see my, my name on the big screen. When it finally happened, I was at the premier and I was like, whoa, why am I only about like 80 to 90% fulfilled? And to support myself as a screenwriter, I followed the calling to be a Pilates instructor because, um, I was looking for a job because in Hollywood you kind of need a bridge job. And, and so, and I didn't wanna wait tables. And I was a bulimic back then, and I was looking for any way to heal my relationship with my body. And I found Pilates and I, within a few months, within literally three months, I was like, oh my God, I've never felt this good in my body. I've never felt this, this, this complete in my, in my skin. And I was like, I have to help other people feel this good. And the beautiful thing about being a Pilates instructor is it allowed me the free time to set my own schedule so that I could still pursue my career ambitions in Hollywood. So when my career ambitions in Hollywood, when I noticed that like lack of fulfillment, I decided to pivot into, well, maybe it was cuz I didn't have as much control cause I was a screenwriter and I wasn't the producer. So I thought, well maybe if I am more of an, in an entrepreneurial space, then I would have more control over the business. And so I had my own Pilate studio for a while and had had success with that. But again, wasn't a hundred percent fulfilled. So then I was presented with an opportunity to become a part of consultant on an e-commerce, uh, in, in an e-commerce startup, they were launching a product that, um, was a backs stretching device. And I saw it and I immediately saw the potential of it. I thought this would be fantastic for Pilate studios, chiropractic offices, physical therapy. I knew know who to market to. These are my people. And I said, I didn't wanna just be, uh, I thought maybe I could transform people's stories about what was possible for their back pain and for their, you know, furniture, cuz it was basically functional furniture that you could use to also stretch on. And so I, I thought, well maybe I could do it in that way. And I was so grateful to be a part of that business cuz it taught me what being a part of a business that is not a hundred percent in alignment with your values means and my business partner and I, we just had different values, um, with how things were to be, he had greater value for, he was an older man. So he had a greater value for certain traditional means of education going to college and whatnot. And here I was like, I would learn something marketing thing and say like, let's implement it. Like let's just give it a go. And so that caused a lot of friction in our relationship. And that eventually led to me being bought out, which was a, a very, very powerful tool that I now use for crown yourself because I saw the value of values. Cause most people go into their businesses and most people create a life based off of passion. They, we go into relationships based off of passion and there's the passion there, but if there's not mutual values, then that's where we get out of alignment. It's where after that passion starts to fade, then, then that hot and heaviness of whether it's with hot and heavy in a relationship or hot and heavy on a product or a service or something that you provide, then that's where it comes down to the foundation of values. And if the foundation of values has cracks in it, because you just have different values, it's not that one is good and one is bad. They're just D then that's where businesses can start to go awry. So my multi passionate, this stemmed from having different levels of success and allowing for myself to follow my curiosity and pivot, but not from lack of focus of being all in with the thing that I was going all in on.

Speaker 2: 7:37

Yeah. Yeah. And that's a very good description because value is something that we can stick to cuz it's part of our identity and passion is not necessarily something we it's something we love, but not necessarily our identity, but our values represent that. For sure. I like, I like how you put that. You also said you're big on T main people's lives. And from my personal experience with conversations with multiple people, when, when they're really driven to transform people's lives, it is likely because they have had a transformation within their own life. Share a little bit. I'm sure you've had many, but share a little bit like your journey, that to, to where this is such a value for you today.

Speaker 1: 8:23

I think the biggest story I am interested in transforming and it's one that I see that is really kind of consuming a lot of the world right now is this the story of blame. And when I was a kid, I grew up in a household with addiction and I didn't have like, I wasn't taught how to navigate emotions very successfully. And so that's what in essence caused, believe me, I would suffocate my and suppress my emotions and suppress it with food. And then I would purge it because eventually you can only suppress emotions for so long, but for those 10 years that I was a bulimic from age 12 to age like age 11 to like age 21, 22, I blamed what, what catapulted and skyrocketed my healing in the last few years was that I switched the blame from being on my dad to recognizing it was my, I had to take ownership from my choices. And when we project blame and a story of victim mindedness onto other people, it prevents us from ever being able to move forward. Because if I had continued to blame my dad, it, it wasn't him shoving my finger down my throat. It was me. I made the choice to do that repeatedly. Like I had to start looking and evaluating it, my choices that I was making. And one of the, my favorite books is Victor's Frankel's mans search for meaning where he says between stimulus and response, you have a choice. And for those of you haven't read, I highly recommend you read it because Victor Frankel was a Holocaust survivor who was in multiple concentration camps. And he saw that whether you were, um, a prisoner or even the Nazis who were guarding him, that they, between stimulus and response, there was a choice. And there were some Nazi guards who did good and who would try to help the prisoners. And, and there were some, uh, prisoners who they, it just brought the worst out in them, but he saw that between stimulus and response, there was a choice. There was a choice that you could be better. There was a choice that you could do different or there was a choice not to, there's a choice to, to be a victim of your circumstances. And what I love about what or Frank did in that scenario is he took those experiences to learn. And I think that that, that, uh, I, I wasn't raised with growth mindedness as, as a value. Um, I was raised in a very fixed mindset. This is how things are done. This is just what it is. Don't question it like, this is just what is instead of being open and being curious and being what I call compassionately, curious as far as like what other people's experiences are. And I think if we can first off eliminate this blame of like right or wrong, good or bad choices, and just look at a choice as being a choice first and foremost, and then transform our story of, of things being right or wrong to things, to being open and curious to learn, then those, those two stories, if we change that in, in our own lives. And that was my story that I had to change, that I still continuously work on to this day to change those stories. Is it, it opens you up for full ownership of your life and for full creation of your own life. Like I did not create this confident person that, that I am today. I like, I, I, oh, I did create this more confident person I did was not born this way. I was super shy. I was super introverted. I still am quite introverted. Like after this podcast, I'm gonna just go nurse my baby and just have like some quiet time. But like I chose into being this person. I didn't rely on blam my circumstances or how I grew up of like, oh, I, now I, because I grew up in, in certain circumstances, I now am gonna just live like that and have that be, uh, the diagnosis and the death sentence for the rest of my life.

Speaker 2: 12:25

Yeah. I like how you said that doesn't have to be the diagnosis for the rest of my life, that there is this choice and we have power when we have choice instead of no power at all. And you now have taken that power, that transformation, and you're a coach and a trainer expand a little bit now what, what service line you're in now?

Speaker 1: 12:51

So I focused a lot with, uh, on visionary leaders and entrepreneurship. I have such a passion for, um, entrepreneurs and building businesses. I think that is something that it's, it fills my creative juices. And I'm really in the business of raising leaders of creating visionary leaders. Cause I think a lot of the visionaries have been stifled by traditional systems of this is how you should think this is what you should do. Um, follow these steps and then you'll get this result and that's not ultimately true. And I think this, that business and innovation would be such a use for good in this world. And that when more goodhearted mission, mind, purpose driven, conscious leaders are making more money, that how we transform the story of the planet. Like that is how we, we raise the vibration. However you wanna say it like that is how we transform to being a more conscious culture as a hu as a human race, to serving one another. And that is so helping. So yes, I help people build their empires and stand out authentically. I, I also help them lead like that. That's really becoming the leader of their own life, no longer needing permission to stand out as who they wanna be. It's who they've always wanted to be as almost who they've known they are, but they've, they've had those voices or what I call the plagiarized programming that has said, oh, you it, and be too loud or you, you know, this, your children are better seen and not heard. And you know, this is like, you should tone it down a bit and, or, you know, all those little bits of plagiarized programming that we've all experienced and it just comes down to what, what we choose to accept as true for us and what are the rules that we are choosing to live by. And so deconstructing what those rules are for my clients and how they can really choose into creating whatever it is that they wanna create on this planet.

Speaker 2: 14:44

Yeah. Yeah. And with that, you know, when you're working, creating, helping leaders find what is within them, right. Uh, that what they have, you also mentioned growth versus fixed mindset. I think it was like Dr. Carolyn duet or some of that that really talks about someone I'll have to I'll Google her and put her back in here. Um, do you feel that the, when people come to you that they're in a more fixed mindset versus growth, or they wanted to be in the growth, but they're not able to get there. Do where do you see a lot of people struggling,

Speaker 1: 15:17

Typically people who are in a, a fixed mindset, aren't seeking out coaching and, and alter like personal development books. Like they have their established belief systems as to how the way the world is for them. And that's what they believe the world. And they don't believe that it can be any different. Um, typically people who are coming to me, they're in some way of doubting that model of the world that they've been either raised in, or are currently operating in, they're doubting the belief systems or that they may have about their self. They know that they have some self-doubt about achieving certain things and that that may be stopping them. And that they know they have some plagiarized programming. They know they have some self limiting beliefs. They know they have doubts and fears. They're not quite sure how to navigate getting out of it, but they, they know that they can. And they also know that, that there is another side that can be so much better and so much different than what they're currently the current mode, this operandi that they are under at this moment. And so if they're in that stage of they're, they've moved past that first stage of growth, which is, um, unconscious con incompetence, where they don't know what they don't know. And they don't know that they don't know it into that stage of they're they're consciously incompetent in that they don't know. They, they know that they don't know something, but they don't know what they don't know. And they know that they don't know it. So they're seeking out answers. And so in that space, that's when clients typically come to me is when, when they are in that space of recognizing that they have doubt and self Le beliefs and that they need someone to maybe reflect back to them. Um, some of the things that are some of the patterns and habits and, and strategies that they're currently operating under, maybe reflect back to them, some of the states that they're living in, cuz if they can change their state and they can change their strategy, they can definitely change their story.

Speaker 2: 17:05

Yeah. Yeah. And again, back to this trauma informed coach, do you feel that some of the clients that are working with you to build these serial and, and change the world, that they are all covering up for some trauma or, or many of them are, is that something that has to come up through your coaching?

Speaker 1: 17:24

I think, um, I think trauma, trauma's very subjective. Um, because somebody who you could have somebody who's experienced way worse trauma than I have and who grew up in horrific circumstances and they may not be as trauma triggered as other people. Um, it, it really trauma is a hundred percent subjective, but I do find that because as a coach, especially in, in a lot of service based industries, you at attract customers who have been where you are, I do attract customers who have experienced abuse in their past, who have had, um, who have been in narcissistic relationships who have been in, um, who have maybe abused their bodies in some way, shape or form, and who are operating by a fear based mindset and a mindset of blame. And we look at shifting, shifting that in the trauma story, um, because traumas, it it's different for every human being, but I bring that awareness to it. And for me, I look at trauma from addict perspective. Cause I think a lot of, um, cause I'm not a therapist, which is very different than a coach. Uh, and I, and I focus on looking at it from a somatic perspective of how can we shift the body and the physiology and the way you breathe and the way you move so that it's changing your brain patterns and what, what the signals that it's sending to your brain about how you operate through life and how you can use your body as one of the greatest tools, um, for leadership, which I actually think is the most underutilized asset, um, that we have.

Speaker 2: 19:01

Yeah. Well, your testimonials really put out that you have helped people shift their frame of mind. It's not, you know, like it's, there is so much power and having a coach is really someone to help you pull out that power from within you. You also said this and I'm gonna use this, but confidence is cultivated. I was just like, I wrote it down twice. Actually. I, I didn't really like confidence is cultivated. In what manner do you feel like I, as a coach, um, as a mom, as, as a partner, as a business partner, is someone able to help cultivate confidence.

Speaker 1: 19:39

It starts with courage and a courageous act is, is very different for each person. Um, a courageous act could be defying the plagiarized programming that you have to and push and work really hard on all day. And your courageous act for that day could be taking a nap like a courageous act could be actually reaching out to that person or responding to that email or answering that customer issue in a timely manner that you normally would avoid. Like each courageous act could be a, is a different thing for every person, but what is that act of courage that you need to take? Maybe the courageous act is not, uh, barking at your kid. Um, and instead taking a moment to pause and breathe and like reassess your response rate because you're at cause for your responses, maybe that courageous act is to, um, cause and not do. And, and, uh, look at, are you only doing because of fear cuz if you're just doing because of fear, then that can then that that's not necessarily leaning into courage that could be leaning into a trauma cycle that you're just used to doing, doing, doing, doing, doing, because you're scared of what would of just being, you're scared of that space of, of what would be if you just were just you right now as it is and having that be okay and enough. Yeah. So it really like confidence is cultivated through able to take courageous action every single day. And so one of the things I encourage my clients and everyone to do is just look at what is that one act of courage that you need to do for, for the day, for me today, it was reluctantly rolling out bed and going to the gym 5:00 AM and having the, the, the courage to, to keep a commitment that I have made to myself for this, this next year. I didn't wanna do it, but I had the courage to say, okay, I'm gonna defy the programming that says that maybe I deserve to feel bad cuz that's part of some trauma programming and I'm gonna instead lean into the program that I deserve to feel good. And I know that go, if I go to the gym, I'm gonna feel so much better after. And so I sh I showed up for myself and I did it and I was like, okay, courageous action for the day sick. Uh, but what are those courageous actions for the day that you need to take? Maybe it's waking up 15 minutes earlier. Maybe it's having the courage to have a conversation with your house about you needing more support around the house. Maybe it's, uh, having the courage to turn down a client that could be a money making opportunity, but it could be like the worst fit ever in history of delivering your services. Um, so look at what are those acts of courage? What are those gut in instinct? Things that, that immediately you feel a bit of fear or resistance around that you know, are actually like the best thing that will be for you if you just do them.

Speaker 2: 22:39

Yeah. Explain a little bit to the listeners. Like what sort of coaching do you provide? Like what services, if they're in the need for it, can they look you at out for,

Speaker 1: 22:51

Yeah. You can go to crown yourself.com and click the tab that says work with me. So if you are looking for, um, some specifics on how to really increase your productivity and your performance in your business, and you're an entrepreneur and you wanna look at also increasing your growth, uh, 150%, that is what I provide on consult calls to see if we're a right fit to continue coaching for a on a one-on-one basis. Um, I also provide coaching for business owners who are looking to use appearing on guest podcasts as a medium to get their business greater exposure, greater impact and greater income from, by a, from appearing on other people's podcast and how to do that in my communication Queens program. And then the third way of working with me is in our mind mindful monarchs membership, which is really about how do you step into mastering your mindset and leaning into understanding this house of intuition and our bodies so that we can use our bodies as the greatest tool to guide us, to make the best decisions ever as a leader in our business and in our life.

Speaker 2: 23:59

Wow. Wow. And then the last question I like to ask this one, because it's in the rising podcast, where do you see yourself, Kimberly still rising up to for your future?

Speaker 1: 24:10

For me, I'm still rising into the, the title of New York times bestselling author. So that is one that I, you have to finish writing your own solo book to be able to do that. So I'm already an Amazon bestselling author because I did a collaborative book, but New York times pass author, that is something that I'm rising into as well as rising into, um, speaking on and having live events when giant live events are allowed again, when we're

Speaker 2: 24:37

Last.

Speaker 1: 24:38

Yeah. And also for me rising into finding my voice of speaking on some of the, the top topics that I do believe need to be brought to light more like the topics of blame and, and our own, uh, autonomy and freedom and where freedom really comes from. And for me, I believe that freedom first starts in our mindsets first and freeing ourselves from the constructs of blame that we have putting on external circumstance things.

Speaker 2: 25:08

So I really hope you appreciated and felt spiritually lifted and emotionally lifted after today's conversation. Because I feel that there were so many key points, golden nuggets, as we call them that were helpful. And really recognizing, I guess, one thing that you have a choice, you may not like those choices. There might not be a lot of space between when something happens and when you have that choice to make, you do have power in your choice. And I hope that's something that you gathered with today's podcast with Kimberly Spencer, if you felt this podcast was beneficial to you, it would really do so much to put this show in the hands and ears of those that I would find benefit from it. So go ahead and share it. And if you would be so willing to leave a five star review again, it just helps promote these topics and interesting points and important points to other people you'd never know who may need it. And until next time let's keep building one another up.