Great Expectations: How to Cultivate a Positive Outlook on Life

Should we have great expectations, or is it "safer" to have zero expectations? I talk about what Gary Vee has to say about that as well.

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Transcript

Hello. Hello. Good morning. Good afternoon, good evening. Good anything I wanna welcome you to In The Rising Podcast. My name is Bettina Brown, and this is the platform I have chosen to talk about living a life that's in alignment with your dreams, your hopes. Your goals and expectations and walking away, or better yet running away from that life of shame and blame that really has gotten you.

And probably people you know, absolutely nowhere. I like to start off by saying that I am not a licensed counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist, but I am a physical therapist working with people every day, and I love to figure out what makes us tick and our biggest thing in healthcare. Or in physical therapy was to identify the source of the problem, don't chase the pain.

And that quote has taken me very far in life. But having talked to person after person, after person, I figured out that sometimes our issues are not physical at all. They're just deeper down. And that is what started with this podcast. So if you're struggling with. Figuring out exactly what your place is, what your role is, and how to be in that and not disappoint yourself and disappoint others.

Well, this is the podcast for you. So today I wanted to talk about the great expectations. And you know, I do believe in expectations. I believe you expect higher, you will achieve higher. I believe you ha should have expectations for yourself. Have expectations for relationships and what your dreams are, well, you should expect to live them.

I've said this over and over again, and it's really a very common, it's a Googleable is that a word? Googleable? It's a Googleable quote that and, and basically statistic, the number one concern of the dying, the number one regret. Is that they did not live a life that was in alignment with their own hopes and dreams.

They were more in alignment with other people. And it must be a really sad and kind of a depressing thought to know that you've had an entire life that you get to now reflect on, and it wasn't even the one you wanted. You know, we all get different startup points, different circumstances, but where we end it, that's really.

On us, right? Yes, we have influences. We have parents, but there is a thing called self responsibility, and it is not necessarily a bad thing. It means that you get to have the wheel of your life, you get to drive the direction you want to, and it's really easy to sit in the passenger seat, look at somebody else and go, well, you didn't take me where I wanted to go.

And that driver is like, no, because I took you where I wanted to go. I'm very familiar with what's in my mind and my heart, but if you're not going the direction you want to, well then you need to drive this car or truck or minivan, I guess, as well. But I also came across an article that. Really, maybe question a little bit of how we look at that.

You know, I firmly believe in having great expectations, but then I came across this guy, and maybe you have as well. I think you can't, miss him. If you're in circles such as podcasting, reading about business, you will read about Gary V. And that's actually not his last name, but most of us cannot pronounce it.

So we call him Gary Vee calls himself Gary Vee but he wrote this really awesome, article on, and it's on his website and it's called How to Have Zero Expectations. And there's this one quote and he says, the problem is, and that's in bold. So many people are worried about what other people think of them, and therefore they are constantly let down.

But when people let me down, and it happens every single day, my brain actually defaults into empathy. I try to start reverse engineering and understand what happened to them to make them not deliver, not call back, not react, not come through, not support. And I really like this because that last sentence particularly what happened to make them not, it doesn't mean that you sit there and try to figure out their life.

It does not mean that it, you give them excuse after excuse, but what is really going on that might. From your point of view, again, your view does not mean it's fact. It's still very much an opinion, but this last part came through of not support. What made them not support you? What made them not come through for you?

So his question and and his view is, if I have great expectations and people fail, well then I'm the one at fault for having these great expectations. And I read this entire article, which I will also, link, but I, I actually like the point of view as well, having not a great deal of expectations all the time.

Now, do I feel that my personal belief is no, that is not how it should be, but I do believe that having a clear understanding that other people are acting. In accordance with what they are capable of and able, and that let's just, let's just say it. It has nothing to do with you. I know that we love to feel like, well, if they really loved me, if they really care, they would do this.

If they were no, their issues are their issues. What I like is that he talks about other people. He does not talk about having zero expectations for himself. His entire article, he talks about his employees and how to view them. And, is there, you know, any reason to be upset about how other people act?

Well, you know, especially when you have, closer relationships with your, with your family, friends, you know, coworkers, children, parents, anything. Yeah, we do get upset. We're emotionally involved, but what I like is that he continues to put this to other people because honestly, we have control over no one else, and if we are reactive to everything, we have no control over ourself.

So perhaps it is kind of worth saying that having more expectation of yourself because you know, With what intention you were acting. You know, if you had an intention at all, you know if you have goals or not. You know, if you are figuring out and acting in alignment with the way you wanna progress, you know, if you are imagining the life you want, you're imagining and manifesting, whatever you wanna call it, imagery, vision.

You have a vision for your life and you are working every day. As though that is your life, it just hasn't come yet. You are putting yourself out there to kind of build your own foundation for that life. You want. Similar to a house, you cannot just build a house because you like the house. It has to have a strong foundation.

Are you building that? Are you holding yourself with that expectation or. Are you looking at other people to build this foundation for you? And it doesn't matter how much we love someone or they love us, that's really not their capability and ability. They can support us. And that's why I like what he says.

Support and helping you hold up the beams to your future. And what about if they're not coming through? What about if they don't show up? We all have been there. That person that does not show up to help you move after they said they would, you know it, it happens. But are you holding them in charge of your life when you have lots and lots of expectations of them and therefore taking away the expectation from yourself?

I went back and forth on this, and I think you can see how you can almost have circular thinking with this, but I'd like to say the main point is to really have the expectation for yourself. It doesn't mean that you're gonna expect to make a hundred thousand dollars or a million dollars, and I'm never gonna react.

I'm always gonna be kind. No, no, no. These are all baby steps. We we're still human beings and we can still show some empathy for ourselves because you know what? We've been through stuff as well. We've been let down, and sometimes our behavior to ourselves and towards others is consistent with that. But having an expectation.

It gives you a goal, it gives you forward motion, it gives you momentum, and sometimes momentum is tough to start, you know, in physics for which I have taken a lot of, they really talk about this basic potential resistance that once something is moving, it's a lot easier to keep moving. But you have to overcome like this initial resistance, and that's the most resistance.

Unless it's going uphill, it's gonna face. So where in your life are you facing this initial resistance? Are you getting up in the morning, but that's kind of it, going through the motions? Are you doing nothing that you enjoy? Are you acknowledging that you have this resistance? Or is it just easier to close your eyes?

I think that's where having some expectation for yourself and knowing that you do have that strength and you don't have to have it today. Sometimes just getting out of bed and going through the motions is all you can do, but if you have the expectation that you're gonna allow the rest of your life to just be barely there, well, And maybe that quote at the end of your life will be very much in sync with what's gonna happen to you.

I didn't live the life I could have, or you can have those great expectations for yourself and you only I, I may not have it today, but I may have it tomorrow, and if not tomorrow, we'll then figuratively tomorrow, but every day working a little bit more. So your great expectations of your life will come into fruition.

And you can reverse a lot for other people to have zero expectations of them. And so not because like, well then I'll never be disappointed, nothing of that nature. But because you don't have control over it, you accept one basic truth. You don't have control over other people, and it's not something that's gonna hold your prisoner.

Because if you don't like their behavior over and over, you walk away because you don't have control over it. But it's actually very liberating. You allow yourself the freedom of not being controlled by other people, their thoughts, what they may do tomorrow, what they may do next year. They might do this.

They might think about that. They might do this. Yeah, they sure might. But if they don't know, then you sure sure don't, right? So I think that's the quote I come from today. Have the great expectations of yourself. And only yourself. Well, thank you so much for listening. I am so grateful. I, I am so grateful for where this podcast has gone and the feedback I have received.

Always grateful for that. And until next Tuesday, let's keep building one another up!