Hello and welcome to In The Rising Podcast. My name is Bettina, and this is the platform I have chosen to talk about living what you envision to have your best life, your best dreams, and your goals and aspirations. Instead of that shame, blame game that unfortunately too many of us have been used to.
Sometimes we grow up with it, or as I recently heard, you know, from someone, they're just like, everyone in my family does A, B, and C. And so it was normal for me to do A, B, and C and not step outside of those goals. Now the big question is, who am I to talk about it? So I am not a healthcare. Counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist.
But I am a healthcare professional who loves to talk about what makes us tick. And my interest in the subject really came to light after working with women, primarily going through breast cancer treatment. And it is really when you have those literal life and death moments that you stop and pause and evaluate the track you're on.
And I really wanted to talk about something I have not. Really delved into yet on this podcast. And one of the topics I haven't really touched upon is what about if you are moving forward and your dreams, your aspirations and goals? Have other people in mind? And usually these are people that we are related to.
And what about if your hopes and dreams and goals are not in alignment with wherever they are, which is maybe they're in a stagnant place. Or they're not moving forward or stagnant, they're actually moving backwards. They're making decisions that are only bringing them down or they really are kind of like your, and they take that woe is me and it's always gonna rain attitude with them every single day.
Well, how do you move forward and. Do you always want to move forward? You know, sometimes we are just as afraid of our success as we can be afraid of failure. And so I wanted to talk about that today. And what are some ways we can kind of stay on track? You know, what if this loved one is a family member?
Uh, what if this loved one is not? But usually with family, there tends to be a much tighter bond, even if we're not in communication, that bond just seems to be. Much more settled in and a lot tighter. And this is something that's really, hit me in the last couple of days and made me ponder, and perhaps this has been a question for you.
You know, when you have something and you really want that your sibling is, you know, making better decisions that you really want, that your mother or your cousin is moving forward and not, you know, Always having to just struggle. And I think that's a lot of the, the word I'm looking for is you don't want other people to struggle, but you're seeing that their own decisions are causing them to struggle.
And so I always like to stop and pause at that moment because I am like the queen of this. I love to evaluate that and really call it more judgment instead of true evaluation because, I don't know if someone else's struggle is what they need for their own path. I don't know if it's the certain falling on your face or falling on your knees or little hiccups and trips that really are what that person needs to move forward.
And it's especially hard when we see that in younger people and, um, It's of course even harder when we see that people much older. But those hiccups, you know, when you were like, but it's not necessary to go through all the same things that I went through. It's not necessary to do that. But what about if it is, what about if all the things that you went through got you to this place and to move forward are the same things they need today?
So I guess the first thing I would talk about is really looking at the perspective. That there is no judgment for their own route, that their own route may require these hiccups or face plants from time to time, no matter how much it hurts us, no matter how much it hurts us, and sometimes it can hurt very, very deeply.
What about those other times when you're trying to walk away from the shame blame game, and yet someone is looking at you? With the same sh you know, blame that you are at fault for what's happening in their life. That you are at fault for making this decision that their mistakes are your fault, that this is your fault.
And if you had only, and those are hard moments. Those are hard moments when you look at, well, if I had done this and done that, maybe they're right. But at the end of the day, I think it's also important to realize the humanity in every single one of us, that we may very well be making the best decision with the view and the altitude of the situation where we are at that moment and walking into our best life might be being content to come home after work and.
Enjoy, you know, a, a family meal or meal by yourself and a cup of tea and you know, something that interests you. It doesn't mean that it requires being an entrepreneur and starting anything. It doesn't mean you have to have a podcast, and it certainly doesn't mean you have to have endless degrees. What about being in a place of contentment is your dream, your goal, your aspiration, and that we may be looking at someone else.
In their contentment and realizing that it's not ours and so we're not happy for them or we're trying to move forward and someone else's discontent with us actually moving towards things that we like. So there may be some jealousy with that. And what do you do about that? I think it's always important.
This is my personal opinion. I think it's always important to look at what you can control versus what you would like to control. Especially, even being a parent, there is so much that you have no control over that these are completely individual, little human beings, whether they're from you or not.
And they do have your good components and they do have some of your not so great ones. But we all start making our own decisions. Based off our own personality and we're not all the same. And so the fact that someone blames you or wants to shame you into feeling regret, or I guess, I guess feeling that you are responsible for them because there's a point in time that you're really not responsible, even if they are your responsibility, you are not responsible for their actions, whether or not.
They are still your responsibility as a person, and that one's hard. That one's particularly hard, and I may very well not be the only one in that, that position from time to time. Or what about the people around you are? Well, you're following your passion, you're following your dream, and, and so what?
What if I don't want that? What if I don't wanna spend 20 years looking for my passion, where I really like painting? I really like writing, and then I go to school. But it's not my passion. I'm not interested in maintaining that. Do I have to have a passion or aspiration or goal to be, to feel like I'm having a good life?
And the answer's absolutely not. You don't have to do all those things. And that is not where this podcast even has come about. It's really being reflective in are you comfortable with where you are right now? Because at the end of the day, and I mean at the end of our life, that's the only question that we really tend to simmer on.
At least that's where all the research,, that talks about, and that's the number one question that people on hospice are, are admitting. Like, did I live my best life? Did I do things that other people wanted me to, or did I do the things that I really wanted to do? And what if what you really want to do is not go to college?
What if you, what you really want to do is not what your parents think. What if what you really wanna do? You don't know what you really want to do. You know, there are definitely some norms and there is some. I guess maturity as we go through our life, you know, and it's not linked distinctively to an age, but what about if we focus on that and know that in our ability?
Cuz usually people that listen to my podcast are people who are more driven and excited about what the prospects of their future are. What about if having people around you is something that you can also control? And if you cannot, especially with family. What about your contact or what you are willing to allow them to kind of put into your own mind to mess with your own psyche?
Those are things that you can control. I. And there's nothing wrong either. With being ambitious and being driven and really following what excites you, what gives you the energy and the flame every single morning? There is nothing wrong with that. And it doesn't mean that your passion and your goal is somewhere up in the sky and you're just reaching out for it, and you just keep reaching day after day, and you try this, and you try that and it doesn't work.
There's so much in a journey. And reflection and self, you know, learning about yourself and building that self-esteem from that, that there is no wasted experience. Everything has some value and some benefit. So when I come back to that initial question, well, what about if the people around you, especially family, That we're related to, of any kind that, you know, we're, we're more connected, we're more bonded to them.
Can we walk away from that to just feel comfortable with our own journey? And I read the most interesting article, in Psychology Today, and I will put the link down and it, it really, this author really went into, I searched for my experience for 20 years and I, you know, I realized I was content right where I was, that my passion could be found in what I was doing.
And I love that because for that person, for that author, her passion was in what she was doing. But there are a lot of people that have no passion in what they're doing, or they had passion for the first 20 years and now it's a little more lackluster and they're figuring that out, and there's nothing wrong with that either.
So in the big scheme of things, I am having great conversations and great, you know, reading material, what psychologists will say, what psychiatrists will say. But at the end of the day, we know ourselves better than anyone else. We know what is ultimately really important because it's the thing that allows us to sleep at night.
It's when you're comfortable in that place that when you close your eyes, you're, you're okay with it all. And if it keeps you up at night, Something's nagging at you, then you're not done with whatever that thought is, and it's okay to ask some questions about it. It's okay to pursue it, and once you're pursuing it and you don't love it, it's okay to drop it.
Not everything is for everyone, but overall, realizing that you know your hopes and dreams and aspirations may include other people. That you don't have control over that, and that by the time you get to your hopes and dreams and your aspirations, that the people that want to share that with you will either come along or they'll show up at that point in time.
Moving forward is not a group effort. It definitely is person by person. And having said that, I thank you for your time. I thank you for all of your time because you know what, these 13 minutes, you don't get back and I'm very grateful for your time and until next week, let's keep building one up!
