The Dos and Don'ts of Effective Communication to Achieve Success

What besides "believe in yourself" and "you can do anything" will help you achieve your goals?

Communication.

To communicate your needs and wants effectively, is important for you to stay true to your goals and achieve them. 

In this podcast, I talk about ways to effectively communicate.

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Transcript

Bettina M Brown: Welcome to In the Rising Podcast. My name is Bettina Brown and this is the platform I've chosen to talk about living your dream life this time around and living a successful and determined and beautiful life. Within your own definition and leaving behind that shame blame game that really does not do very much for you or people around you.

And so, I like to start off by saying I am not a counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist, anything of that nature. But I am a healthcare professional who has now been life coach certified, and I really like to figure out what makes us tick. Because after working with many, many, many people going through different facets of their life, the biggest thing that they talk about as they're dealing with their physical issues is how they are feeling emotionally, how they're feeling psychologically.

And a lot of times I've noticed that the pain that they're physically experiencing is not always 100% from a physical. Place in origin. So that is why I wanna talk about that. And I wanted to switch topics to something I've not yet talked about. In all of my time of this podcast, I tend to talk about manifesting your dreams, focusing your goals, visualizing, and, Just like what you can do, being healthy, emotionally, physically, spiritually, all of those things.

But today I want to talk about communication. And it may seem very odd that a podcast that emphasizes the importance of recognizing your self-worth is talking about communication. But you know, we do go through life with other people. Now even the most introverted people, and I know that a lot of people that can be out giving presentations may be introverted.

They just, that's how you recover your energy. As if you're introverted. You do it by yourself. If you're extroverted, you recover with other people. But there are people that just don't want to be around other people, more like a hermit type, but regardless. The majority of us will also have to communicate with other people, whether that's our children, our families, our significant others, people at work, even at the grocery store.

Our neighbors communication is still basically cliche. It is key to a lot of relationships and communication is all about. Presenting your view of reality as opposed to reality itself? Right. I can only tell you from my perspective, I take all of my past with me, my experiences, if I was ever bullied, I look at a topic from multi dimensions, and I don't even know it myself, but in order for me to advance.

And I mean, advance loosely advance in my company, advance in my relationship, advance in my, partnership with friends, anything of that nature. I have to be able to communicate. And the more we are in tune with ourselves, the more we are tuned and live in alignment with our own value system. The more we are able to effectively communicate without taking offense to other people's perception of reality.

Now that may have seemed like a very long sentence. It seems like one to me. But, you know, in order to really move forward with our hopes and dreams and convey that to other people, maybe we're going on this journey with others. Maybe we want to, build a future together. Maybe we want to advance our friendship and be vulnerable with that person and tell them things that, were really awful for you and, and explore.

With a psychiatrist or psychologist, really depths of your past, but if you do not recognize the value of what you are saying, are you able to effectively communicate? So I do believe that, first and foremost, understanding that you have worth. And value to bring to a situation, to bring to a conversation that does not have to be quantified or evaluated or permitted by other people.

The fact that you are there is quite frankly enough, but taking that moment and being respectful of everyone else's journey does take a little bit of work because when you want to move forward, for example, with a business relationship to effectively communicate, you will go so much further, which can profit emotionally, psychologically, and even monetarily, so far as really dollars and cents your relationship and your future, which of course can, can be more in alignment with your hopes and dreams and goals.

So, the second step I'm going to talk about is just to stop and listen, and I just went to another conference where we talk about, you know, ways to improve communication and, and, and all of that. And the emphasis on listening and the reduction of emphasis on talking was really, really, pointed out over and over again.

And you know, when I think about communicating, the first image that comes into mind is kind of like this, this diagram of a person, like a face, a stick figure. And there are those lines that come out of their mouth because they're talking. That's communication. But really communication is two-sided.

It is receiving and to give, not just giving. Communication is as basic as it gets. It's the physical, ways, the non-verbal ways that we communicate, as well as the verbal ways. So when we take that moment to stop and listen, we are opening ourselves up to receiving information from other people around us.

And it gives us a break too, because we're so busy a lot of times formulating a, a plan, an idea, a conversation, how we're going to report back to this, how we're going to, answer this and, and we already have our response ready to, to someone else's response that may not even be in alignment. And that is where sadly, many relationships, friendships.

You know, anything can just fall apart. It's not realizing that to listen is a critical part of communicating and not just being quiet. There is a distinctive difference there. To listen, is to engage. Engage with looking at that person, engage with stop to do, stop doing what you're doing. Really be there.

Hear are the words they're saying hear are the words they are not saying. Look at their body. Is this something they're truly excited about conveying, their story? Are you seeing them just shrink back? Do you hear their voice change? You know, we are so able to perceive our environment with little input, like we don't have to do a lot.

But just from all of that information, by being present, our own body is able to interpret so much from that. And once we're, you know, not talking and we're actually listening, hear what's really being said. And a lot of times to hear someone is to recapture what they've said to you. With what I heard was this, sometimes I think I don't, I'm not quite getting what you're telling me.

 Is this what you're saying? I, I really want to know, I really want to hear exactly what you're saying, because I can tell it's important or I can tell that this is bothering you to talk about it. Do you want to talk about it right now? I can tell by your body language that you're. You're not really wanting to discuss this.

In that moment, that person feels heard and in that moment of being heard, whether it's psychiatrists that say it or any of the girlfriends and I that I, when we talk and we we're all together, we talk about how important it is to feel heard. Because when we are heard, we feel connected. And that connection is what we are looking for, and that's where really social media has had the opportunity to really move forward and explode the way it did because we crave connection.

So me talking to you and you listening to the podcast does not build the connection. It's the response or the comment or the text message or the email. That builds the connection, it builds the circle, and that makes everything more worthwhile. It allows me to feel invigorated about next week's topic. It allows me to feel that there are people that are understanding what I've, what I've said, or can relate to my perception of things.

That builds the depth, and that is what we call a connection with your audience. But that allows you to be open and connected with your partner, your spouse, your children, is to feel that. And connection is communication. It's pretty much the only reason we communicate in the first place. We want something that we need to have done.

And the other part I'm going to talk about, number four, is being honest and open with your, your person you're communicating with. It doesn't help. This is a quote I've heard so many times to blow sugar up someone's tush. It doesn't help the situation to not be fruitful and honest and honoring and respecting another person, but also honoring and respecting yourself, and that is what having self-worth is.

That is about what rising up to your full. Potential and giving yourself the full opportunity to move forward with your conversation, your communication is that open and honesty. And if you notice, because there are people that we cannot be open and honest with because that is met with insults, it's met with belittling comments, it's met with, being pushed aside, brushed aside, shown how unimportant it is.

That is an effective way of communicating that you don't matter to that person. And in that moment you need to hear and listen that this may not be a friendship relationship. What have not that is worth continuing at some point. Or is that person, you know, there was a lot of bad day, but if, if it continues on, be honest with yourself that this is not a fruitful.

Um, relationship that will move you forward in your own life. If you are surrounded by dead weight, you cannot rise to the occasion in your own life. It just does not happen. The more you have people dragging you down by their communication, the less forward you will move. There are people that are dead weight.

And so having, you know, I like to try to be optimistic and, positive in, in any kind of way, but there are people that their form of communication is not communication. It is control. And when you get that o moment, when you're stopping, you're hearing, you're, you're hearing what they're saying. They're, they, you feel heard or you don't feel heard.

You're being open and honest, and then you have to recognize, is this worth staying for? And if you're open and honest with yourself, that clears the path for so much for you.

Number five, when you're trying to talk about things that require very, very big, large, important decisions. Try to do that when you're not emotionally charged up. So it may not even seem like that makes a whole lot of sense, especially when we're talking to, children, when we're, when we're talking to our partner who's not hearing us anything of that nature.

Take the emotion out of it and really get back to that basics. And if you're not able to take a lot of emotion out, which quite frankly, there are times you just shouldn't. Allow your motions to rise to that. And that will also help you be open and honest. But when you're taking that out, you get to have an opportunity to think a little bit more, rationally.

So sometimes the rational thing is not the logical thing, but when we are fully emotionally driven, we don't tend to make good decisions. And then there's some debate whether we are ever to really take full emotions out of anything. Because we are emotional beings. Even those that have this very flat affect, there's, that's still an emotion.

Well, it's a lack of emotion, but it is still there. So making that, comment to your child or making that comment to your parents, is it something you would say if you were not charged up? And usually by charged up, I mean angry, I. Because we are allowed and entitled to feel anger from time to time, but typically our communication is next to zero at that moment.

You cannot be in a place where you're giving someone honest feedback when you are just angry and irritable and frustrated. Giving yourself that time to just feel those emotions as opposed to try to. Be the responsible person, it's fine to just feel like you need to walk away. And the last point I want to talk about is that communication is so much more than just the talking, looking at body language, looking at someone's text messages, looking at someone's emails to you, looking at whether someone even faces you when they talk.

Do they ever look up? So much of our communication is actually nonverbal. I was watching this, course on body language and it said, when people from western cultures like win a race, for example, they will lift their arms up in the sign of victory. And, you know, we recognize it. We see it at the Olympics, we see it at, you know, football games, basketball games.

The arms go up. What they noticed is that when you have people who have been blind since birth, do their, you know, their game winnings, their Paralympics, anything of that nature, when they win, They also lift both arms up in a sign of victory. And this is not a learned behavior. This is not something we learned because we saw it, because the proof is here.

You don't need to see it to know it and feel it. So trusting your own body in interpreting the communication of other people. Is important and starting to learn your own body and your own communication style. Do you always cross your arms when you're talking to someone? Do you put your hands behind your back to be less threatening when you're wanting to communicate with someone, do you start to mimic them?

There's a lot of research that shows if you want to build like a work relationship or you want to know someone, you start to do the same little habits. If they tend to go from left foot to right foot, then you do the same thing. And there's a lot of research that shows the person, will feel more connected, but has no idea you're mimicking them.

Just an fyi. So, looking at all these other ways to communicate with people that have the opportunity to help you in your life, to help you move forward with your dreams and your goals, just like you can then help the next person. And the person after that because we tend to rise and fall with others around us.

So I hope this podcast was somewhat interesting to you. I, I learned a lot looking this, up this, this information for communication, especially interesting was the part about. Communication styles of people who are blind and how they will do so many actions that we think we only know because we've seen it.

Communicating is so visceral, it's so deep within us, and when we can recognize that. And harbor that and use that to move us forward. So much more is possible for us now and in the future, so I appreciate your time. Let's build one another up!