Breaking the Stigma: K C Poitras Talks About Her Experience with Mental Health

What does it mean to have crippling anxiety and panic attacks?

My guest today is K.C. Poitras. She knows this struggle first hand. She would struggle to leave the house, but with the strength and courage to ask for help, slowly learned how to cope with these feelings.

In this podcast, she describes these events in much more detail, and shares her love for one thing that makes her vulnerable also: being an author. In fact, her current novel was nominated for the Author Elite Award for 2021 in the category of Clean Romance.

Her story is such an example of what happens with continued persistence.  Some days, getting out of the house may be all you can do.... but each day that leads you somewhere!

K.C. Poitras- LinkdIn, Instagram, books

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Bettina M Brown: Greetings and welcome to In The Rising Podcast. My name is Bettina Brown, and this is the platform I've chosen to talk about living a life that's in alignment with our hopes, our dreams, our goals, and actually, Pursuing it, and I like to start off by saying that I am not a licensed counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist, but I really love to figure out what makes us tick and how can we help each other?

How can we add value to one another? My guest today does a lot of that. She has a history of anxiety and panic attacks and for her. Her interview today, her writing of books has been so powerful and I really like to welcome Casey Pores to my show. First of all, I just want to thank you for your time today because you, uh, offered your time.

You offered your experience because you stated you have dealt with anxiety and panic attacks. Yes. And someone with anxiety and panic attacks. Going on a podcast talking about anxiety and panic attacks has to be commended for that bravery. I just want to put that out there. Thank you. It is stepping outside of my box.

[00:01:26] Bettina M Brown: It is. It is. And you, you're going to share your story with me, with my listeners and, you know, you talk about a lot of things and I wanted to, to just. Say something back to you that you wrote to me. You said you faced anxiety and panic attacks daily, growing stronger, but then you struggled with the pandemic.

Can you go a little bit more into where you went with that? 

[00:01:52] K C Poitras: Well, as I was growing stronger and getting my feedback and being able to go out and enjoy the world, it shuts down. So, then I felt like I. I got to a place again where I wasn't comfortable going out again. So, it kind of put me back a little.

[00:02:15] Bettina M Brown: Okay. And you know, I know people who have panic attacks who feel a lot of anxiety, but I have personally never. Really experienced that on a regular basis. Why don't you go into a little bit like when this started for you? 

[00:02:28] K C Poitras: Um, it started about 10 years ago and it just progressively got worse. I would get in a car to drive somewhere and I'd have to pull over cause I felt like I was just going to have a heart attack or just, you know, black out.

I would get, go to, go to the grocery store and. Probably nine times outta 10, I would end up back home or I would circle to go home and then go, you know, talk myself into going back. And sometimes I would make it to the store. Sometimes I wouldn't. Sometimes I would go home and just wait for it to pass and go back to the store and run through the store to get what I needed to get back home as quickly as I could.

It's just very, it's very life changing. 

[00:03:12] Bettina M Brown: You know, because you described crippling anxiety and panic attacks, but hearing your description of just how the, how the grocery store Right. Is difficult. Everyday things. Yeah. It, it really puts a new perspective on the word crippling because that's exactly what you've been through.

Right. Um, were there any events that kind of sparked this for you? 

[00:03:33] K C Poitras: Um, I don't think so. I think it was.

My mom kind of suffered the same thing and it was just more of a, I think it was over time of just different things that happened in my life that built up to that. 

[00:03:51] Bettina M Brown: Built up to that. What, how do you go from a place where you're not able to go to the grocery store to, to healing? Like what avenues did you use? 

[00:04:01] K C Poitras: A wonderful counselor.

One, and I've been to many. One lady just when my life was at the worst, um, she just gave me things to do, like pay attention to your five senses, you know, to get out of your head when the panic attack starts. And just, just different, um, activities to focus on. And it was with her help that I literally drove from Virginia to Florida by myself, you know, in tow.

And that's a feat when I couldn't even get to the grocery stores. 

[00:04:35] Bettina M Brown: Right. And so, when you met this counselor, did you know on that first visit that this was going to be a different experience for you? Yeah, 

[00:04:43] K C Poitras: I did. Yep. 

[00:04:45] Bettina M Brown: She was, was she, was she recommended? Did you look up a certain type of counseling or, 

[00:04:51] K C Poitras: I actually, I was on public assistant at that time, so I had only had a handful that I could go to, and I just happened to.

You know, I knew I needed to get out of bed and go see somebody. I had just went through a 20 year marriage that broke up and, um, I was, you know, staying at my mom's and it was like I had two twin kids and had to, you know, suck it up for them. So I made an appointment and I was fortunate to land at her, her table.

[00:05:25] Bettina M Brown: Wow. And is, is she someone that you saw like once a week? Once every two weeks. How did that Once a week. Once a week for about six weeks. Okay. So, in six weeks time, she made a phenomenal difference with her tactics for you? 

[00:05:38] K C Poitras: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:05:40] Bettina M Brown: And with everything that you said, like your mom's kind of been through it when you were living with your mom, And going through this yourself, did that kind of, did that build it up for you a little bit more?

Or was it support?

[00:05:54] K C Poitras: No, I think it was about the same. I mean, my mom was a huge supporter of, uh, you know, getting help, getting me help. Um, I kind of really crashed and burned when the marriage ended. And the counselor, you know, she was like, it's 20 years. It's like you have to mourn it like a death, you know?

It's shocking. So it was, it was a tough time and, but it also, on the flip side, it made me a much, much stronger person. That's wonderful. 

[00:06:27] Bettina M Brown: Um, so for example, because I do know some people who are, you know, they'll have this anxiety or literally, you know, people close to me. When you said the five Senses, can you kind of walk someone through that?

Like, what, what does that really mean? 

[00:06:41] K C Poitras: Well, for me it meant what a panic attack was coming on. I would, look around, you know, what's around you if mine was driving. So ,she would tell me to focus on my foot on the gas pedal or the brake, you know, focus on what my foot was doing, what am I hearing, what do I smell?

Um, you know, I'm listening to the radio and a lot of times I would've to just turn the radio off because it just, Distracted me too much and, um, just I'd roll down the window, you know, and just try to get some fresh air. And so it just took me, you know, the five senses just kind of took me out of my head of that moment of the panic attack.

[00:07:24] Bettina M Brown: Yeah. And you know, I've, I've read about things like that where that panic and anxiety is about future events that we may not be processing, that we're not processing the now. And it sounds like in those five senses. She's pulling you back into the present moment, right? Yes. With addressing that, because that's really the only place.

We have any power is right now this instant. Right, right. Yeah. So that's a really good technique. I've never heard that described before. That's right. Yeah. That's really good. And so you also said that you have gone further out of your box, not just with this podcast, you know, guest interview, but into writing.

Yes. How describe how did you get to that? I 

[00:08:08] K C Poitras: have always wanted to write my story. And I still have not done that, but I did, um, with the Pandemic and with the Man of My Dreams, he was like, you know what? You were home bound. You wanted to write, go for it. So, I went for it and took me about three weeks to write my first sentence.

And because I just kept procrastinating, like, I don't know. And then it was like day after day, I just got more exciting to write and a lot of my story is in there, some of it, uh, not more current story, you know, and some about the anxiety and depression and, you know, panic attacks, um, that's in there. But it's a good story because it's, it's based on, you know, me finding someone at.

When I thought life was over, I would just, I was just going to die alone, you know, after the marriage. So, 

[00:09:06] Bettina M Brown: So, it sounds like there's just, uh, a vision of, of hope with everything. Yes. 

[00:09:12] K C Poitras: Yes. Absolutely. 

[00:09:14] Bettina M Brown: Yeah. And so where are you in that process of, are you, are you going to self-publish? Are you still writing? It 

[00:09:22] K C Poitras: is published that book, um, you taught me what it feels like to fall in love that's published, um, Sunday or Monday, I'm not quite sure yet.

Uh, my second book will go on pre-sale and I'm working on my third book. Oh, excellent. 

[00:09:37] Bettina M Brown: Tell me about your second and your third one. 

[00:09:39] K C Poitras: My second book is about a little boy that, um, got taken from his father by his mother unknown to out of the states, to another country. And then two years later he was two.

At that time, two years later, his mom flew him back to, to America to live with his dad, and it talks about his journey and, um, abusive stepmom. 

[00:10:05] Bettina M Brown: Okay. And with that story, are you pulling from some experiences of friends, family, into that story? With the little 

[00:10:14] K C Poitras: Yes. A little bit. Yeah. 

[00:10:15] Bettina M Brown: Yeah. And do you feel like it's adding a little more to your healing process of just I do, 

[00:10:20] K C Poitras: yeah.

Bringing it out 

[00:10:22] Bettina M Brown: and two books published when you were, you know, just a few years ago, afraid to even get to the grocery store. Like that's phenomenal. You're putting your name out there and Yeah. To do that is a, a place of extreme vulnerability. 

[00:10:37] K C Poitras: Yes, it is. It's scary. It's like everybody's reading these words, you know?

[00:10:41] Bettina M Brown: Yes. And they know who they're from and, yeah. How do you, like thinking about where you are right now to where you were then? Like what, what do you feel was your inner fire to, to move you forward, to move you into a place where you wanted to change your life? 

[00:11:00] K C Poitras: I would say it was when I got to a place, I had nothing except for the twins, and my family was far away.

My husband was gone, and uh, it was just like, okay. I mean, when I left from Virginia, my mom's famous last words were sucking up buttercup, you know? She wasn't happy that I was moving back to Florida. So, I sucked it up and I mean, I didn't have a vehicle, so I would drive, I would walk, me and the twins would walk, or if the twins were in school, I would walk two miles to, you know, sign up for work.

And, you know, I had a church that helped some and I was just determined. And I think meeting Eric was my changing point in life where he just makes me want to be a better 

[00:11:52] Bettina M Brown: person. And is that, Yes. Okay. And so, you know, sometimes we meet people that we get to be in a, in a, in a relationship with, and sometimes we meet friends and family.

What, what qualities does he have that you think helped bring change your life to where you are? Totally 

[00:12:12] K C Poitras: different background. Totally. He is 1000% different than. Any man I've ever known. Um, he is just polite. Um, he opens the car door, he's a gentleman. He's just a true gentleman. 

[00:12:32] Bettina M Brown: Do you think that helped you kind of feel like you were more of a woman of worth?

[00:12:37] K C Poitras: Yes. Yeah. And he always tells me, I'm deserving. I 

[00:12:43] Bettina M Brown: That's awesome. Because, you know what I like to talk about on this podcast is. You know, to rise up to, to have the life that you dream of. Envision. Yes. Walking away from shame and blame and with anxiety and panic attacks. There is a lot of shame. We don't talk about it.

Yes. We go into hiding with things and to know that you are deserving. It really cha and having that feedback from other people, it really does change your perspective and helps these symptoms of, and anxiety of, of difficulty relaxing. Start to subside. 

[00:13:18] K C Poitras: Yes. Yeah. And it has opened up a whole new world for me.

Wonderful neighbors that are great friend girlfriends. I mean, they just came over this morning for mimosas, you know, so we, we had a blast, you know, a good time talking and it was fun. And it has opened up a lot of freedom and just happiness. Yeah. And not so tied down. I don't feel like I'm being held back.

[00:13:45] Bettina M Brown: 

Those, those are interesting words. You don't feel you're being held back. Yeah. Um, do you feel that some of the being held back came from you? That were you holding yourself back in your own past, you think? Um, 

[00:14:00] K C Poitras: yeah. Yeah, definitely. I was allowing others to hold me back, so I have to take that responsibility.

[00:14:11] Bettina M Brown: And, uh, you know, I was going into another guess the difference between allowing an acceptance, right? Yeah. And changing that perspective of allowing others to have this control because we have responsibility. Absolutely. Yep. Yeah. Do you feel as, and again, I'm just, I'm just asking you how your, how your perceptive is that as you have allowed yourself to be in control over your life, that some of your anxiety and panic attacks.

Have subsided somewhat. 

[00:14:42] K C Poitras: YesI do. I think that helped a lot. I still, you know, have my moments where I get a little anxious. but I just, I work 

[00:14:50] Bettina M Brown: through it. That's amazing. That's amazing. What, say you meet someone who's in that place right now. What, what would you tell them from your own experience?

From full heart, Debbie? 

[00:15:03] K C Poitras: Yes. First off, breathe. Just breathe and, you know, think of anything. Don't think, don't try to find symptoms in your body and, but think, you know, look around you, see what's happening. Pull over if you need to, you know, breathe and try to. Look around and know you're in a beautiful place in the world.

You know, wherever you're at, there's always beauty to be found. 

[00:15:34] Bettina M Brown: That's true. That's true. And what if that person says, well, I'm breathing, but I feel so much shame with my condition. What? What do you say to that person? 

[00:15:45] K C Poitras: Talk about it. The more you talk about it, the easier it is. Talk, talk to someone about it.

Maybe someone that doesn't understand. Or maybe someone that does someone, you know, there's many, many millions of people out here that suffer from the same thing. It's not common, it's just not talked about a lot.

[00:16:02] Bettina M Brown: Do you feel that with like this podcast, your books, that you're trying to change that from being a non-talked about topic too?

Absolutely. 

[00:16:12] K C Poitras: I, I would love it. My book helps one person. I'm happy. Yeah. 

[00:16:17] Bettina M Brown: Yeah. That's, that's a really amazing work that you've, you've done with, with being, um, you know, out now. What do you feel like your purpose in life is, just in, in general, from what your background was? Um, 

[00:16:31] K C Poitras: you know what I, I like to write to help people, but I also want it to be entertaining and light so, You know, I j just, I guess my purpose is just to touch people's lives and make a difference.

[00:16:46] Bettina M Brown: Well, I absolutely think with your stories, um, with your description of your anxiety, how this one therapist made a difference. Yeah. Um, you know, it sounds like we, we, we take for granted or we don't think about the difference one person can make. Yeah. And the downward chain and the con, you know, the consequences that she made an impact on you.

You're writing this book, you're on podcast, you're, you're putting your name out there, you're changing other people's lives, and you're helping continue that chain of events of positivity into the world. 

[00:17:20] K C Poitras: Trying one book at a time, one book at a time.

[00:17:20] Bettina M Brown: Do you feel that being a writer is like now your creative outlet to, to dealing with certain things or are you doing other things as well?

[00:17:33] K C Poitras: Yeah, I think writing's definitely helping me work through some things, and I will eventually put my complete story out there. I just, that's just a little too close to home still, so, but yeah, it has been very therapeutic and, 

[00:17:49] Bettina M Brown: yeah. Okay. What do you tell your daughters, like, like, you know, with, with the time of your life with that anxiety, what do you tell them now about how you've grown or what you've learned?

[00:18:02] K C Poitras: I just really, I try to, you know, set a good example. Um, I try to let them know that they're loved no matter what they're loved and it's okay to be scared. it's okay to talk about your feelings and I tell my sons the same thing. So there's sometime everybody needs help. 

[00:18:27] Bettina M Brown: Sometimes everyone needs help, and that is absolutely true no matter what we're dealing with, whether it is something emotional or physical moving, anything at all.

Sometimes everyone needs help. And I actually would need your help too. So if this podcast or this episode was really helpful, beneficial to you, I encourage you to share it and also leave a five star review. It helps this podcast just grow and, and reach so many more people. And until next time, let's keep building one another up.