Triumph Over Trauma: How Gayle Petrillo Found Healing After a Burn Accident

When some people speak, more comes across than just words.

When hearing Gayle Petrillo, you hear Confidence, Joy, Peace, Perseverance and Kindness.  In this podcast, Gayle describes the burn as a young child that nearly killed her. She describes body shame, and learning to be more confident day by day. With this, she continued to Rise Up through the management ranks, over the course of her career, as well as the book, in which she shares her experiences.

She is now the proud owner of First Impressions, a business coaching program to help women gain confidence, and their dream job!

Gayle Petrillo:  Linkd In, Author
First Impressions- Imagine and business coaching program



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Transcript

[00:00:00] Bettina M Brown: Hello and welcome to In the Rising Podcast. My name is Bettina Brown, and this is the platform I've chosen to talk about living a life that's in alignment with your hopes, your dreams, your goals. And your vision for your future, what you were designed for, and walking away from that shame and blame game that has done nothing for you.

And I always like to start off that I am not a licensed counselor, psychiatrist, but I am a healthcare professional who loves to figure out what makes people tick. And right now it's basically my interview season and I have just had. Wonderful guest and today's guest is absolutely no exception. Her name is Gail Petrillo and she's a phenomenal woman.

She is a burn survivor. She was burned quite significantly when she was younger, experienced body shame, but really just blossomed into the woman she is today. You can hear the joy in her voice as she explains her transition. So, listen in. First of all, thank you again, Gail, for coming here and being on In the Rising Podcast.

It's really an honor to have you here today. Thank you for your time. 

[00:01:17] Gayle Petrillo: Oh, it's a pleasure to be here. Thank you so much for the invitation. 

[00:01:22] Bettina M Brown: Yes. And so you actually had a great introduction to yourself with regards to being here on the podcast. But I want to go into that because not everyone gets to read that you said that you have come.

Overcome many obstacles in your life, especially as being a burn survivor. So tell us a little bit what you're comfortable with. How did this whole burn start? Because that's a huge traumatic event, so, 

[00:01:50] Gayle Petrillo: It is. And honestly, I never realized until very recently how traumatic it was. Mm-hmm. And so, I'll go back a minute and just real briefly tell you, so I was a giggly, girly girl who loved everything frilly from my head to my toes and every place in between, between.

And when I was about two and a half, my mom and I went to a adult tea party. And I was trying to climb up to the very high kitchen table, which was like a picnic table. Yeah. And I spotted cookies and I reached for a cookie and pulled a fresh pot of coffee off the table and all over me. So, I suffered third degree burns on 40% of my little body.

I was in the hospital for months. My parents did not know whether I would live or die. And one evening my mom said to my dad as they were leaving the hospital, we have to go home and make a baby because ours may not survive. Mm. So growing up with burns, so that was 1956, and they treated burn survivors burns period very differently than they do now.

I was treated with radiation and with steroids, and they didn't do debridement then. They didn't do. All kinds of stuff that they do now. And back then there was no support for me or my parents. So, we just continued moving forward in our family life, like nothing had happened. So, we never really talked about the accident.

We, and it was an accident. We never talked about how or why I felt different growing up, why I had no self-confidence really why I had body shame because. Nobody can see my, my scars because they're here. Okay. So Right. Your so obviously you can see, but your listeners can't see, but they're on my, on my stomach.

Basically. On my chest. And so I'm very lucky in that way, except for the fact that I always saw myself from the outside in. Mm-hmm. And just assumed everybody saw what I saw. So anyway, that's how I got burned. So, And I only very recently quote came out of hiding. Mm-hmm. And it, it was really at the persistence and insistence of someone I barely knew.

Oh, wow. So, I have 35 years in healthcare leadership. A lot of that is in human resources. And when I created my own business after retiring about four years ago, I launched it with a fundraiser. I did two fundraisers actually. 2018 and 2019. 2020 obviously didn't happen because of the pandemic. But both years the beneficiary was beads of courage.

It's a Tucson founded international not-for-profit, and basically, they support children with serious illnesses. Anyway, Jean and I, the founder, were behind stage year two. So I had known her about 18 months and we were talking, she travels the world and I always say to her when I see her, so where have you been expecting The Orient Europe, whatever.

And she said, actually, I've just been the last three days in Phoenix and Maricopa working with burn survivors. And I went to say something to her and the mc was calling me to come to the podium. Oh, so I went to the podium and typically Gail's style. I had my script right in front of me and I looked out, there were about 200 people in the audience, and I knew about 185 of them.

Yeah. The only person in the audience that really knows me and my full story is my husband. And so, I stood at the podium for a second and. Tears started to flow. Mm-hmm. And I had like no control and I wiped him and I'd be like, so sorry guys. But I was just talking with Jean behind stage and she told me she just spent three days with burn survivors and I wish my family and I had that kind of support when I was burned as a toddler.

Mm-hmm. You could hear the, the room gasp. And then dead silence. And afterwards, several people came up to me, but one gal in particular who I knew by reputation but had never met. Yeah. Kathy came up to me and said, you have a story, girl. Let's go to coffee. I said, let's go to coffee. I'd love to meet you, learn more about you, but there's no story.

And she goes, oh yeah, there is. So we did several coffees, several wine, lunches, dinners, lots of wine, more wine, more wine. And over the next like three months, she got my story out of me. And she's like, you got to write a book. And I'm like, Nope. My husband's the author. The journalist. I don't do that. So that was like late December, just before Christmas in January.

My mom was living in Florida, my sister was living in upstate New York and I was here in Arizona. And we got together, which we did every like three or four months. And so over dinner and wine one night, I sound like an alcoholic over dinner and wine. One night I said to my mom and my sister, Somebody's asked me to tell my story.

I've never done that. What do you guys think? My mom's like, I think it's great. If it'll help you, I think, go for it. And my sister said, well, let me know if there's anything I can do. She's a ghost writer. And PR marketing professional. Mm. And so I came home and I said to my husband, the writer, how do you write a book?

And he said, sit at the at the computer and just type. Don't worry about a title, don't worry about a beginning, middle, and just type your heart out. And I think, and he's my most avid supporter. We've been together 42 years. I think he really just figured I would like ramble right in words. And I came to him about 10 days or so later and I said, I have 60,000 words.

And he was like, oh my gosh, right? Let me read it. So he read it and he is like, this is really story worthy. He said, but I'm way too close. I can't edit it. Mm-hmm. So we sent it off to an editor friend. She edited it. I sent it out to, to publishers and to agents because there's a catch 22. You can't get published by a publisher if you don't have an agent.

Agent agents don't want you unless you have a publisher, but I had sent it to this one publisher who's in Florida, and within an hour I got an email back and she said my son was burned as a toddler. I want to publish your book. And as I say, the rest is just true.

[00:08:22] Bettina M Brown: Yeah. Yeah. And so, you know, as a physical therapist to just read the 40%, like I know the math and I, I really thought she, she almost lost her life.

Yes. And I was wondering, as you were going through your story as a child, did you realize that you almost lost your life? 

[00:08:42] Gayle Petrillo: Not honestly, until very recently, I had no idea. No idea. I mean, obviously growing up, especially as a leader, toddler and into my early grade school, I mean, there was pain and there was a scar tissue left.

Mm-hmm. Right? That had to heal over time. But I never thought about, oh my gosh, I almost died very recently. I have become a certified Soar, S O A R, peer support person through the Phoenix Burn Society. I think they're out  of Wisconsin. And working with the Arizona Burn Foundation in Phoenix, and we are creating a hub in Tucson, which is very exciting.

But anyway, through the certification process, the last step was meeting with a psychologist. And because of Covid, we didn't meet in person. We did a zoom and the question she asked me and she said, you re, you realize you've suffered post-traumatic stress disorder. I'm like, I did. Like, I had no idea.

I've just gone on with my life. Right. Not really realizing that a lot of the things that I experienced all growing up through teen years and adulthood. I never like thought, oh, well this is because I was burned. It was just who I was. 

[00:10:09] Bettina M Brown: Yes. And I think to to hear that later on that you did have some P T S D, did that help you put in context some events of your life A little bit.

[00:10:19] Gayle Petrillo: Absolutely. And as a peer support, I work with people in the hospital that are survivors and with family members. Mm-hmm. And I'm also part of several national and one international out of Toronto support group for burn survivors. And what I'm learning is as you share your story, they get more comfortable sharing their story.

Mm-hmm. And it's healing for everyone, both. And you also learn. That you sometimes get triggered by something someone said. And so that to me has been a learning curve, right? It's like, oh my gosh. Like I never thought about why I was always afraid of gas stoves. Mm-hmm. Fire burns. I mean, it makes sense now, but I never put that together until about four months ago.

[00:11:12] Bettina M Brown: Yeah. Yeah. And it's, it's just this learning process and you know, it's also good to know because you're the support person. Now, if people could know that link and triggers so much younger and their family and friends, loved ones would be able to help know how to interact with them, talk with them and help them cope.

Because I'm sure your parents, I mean, just to say that you're, you're just to say, I'm not sure my child will survive. Is deep. Yeah. A deep hurt for 

[00:11:43] Gayle Petrillo: your mom. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And they never talked about it? No, they never talked about it. I have cousins that didn't know I was burned. Oh, wow. You know, so, and the only reason my sister knows is because, you know, she was three years.

Three and a half years younger than I. And so she knew, obviously growing up that her sister was different, but yeah, it's just, just very interesting. Like nobody knew. Yeah. 

[00:12:11] Bettina M Brown: And so you were, you're talking at this Phoenix Burn Society. You, you, you're, you've written this book and now you are very visible and.

The thing is, you know, you mentioned that you gave this speech to 185 people that knew you out of the 200, because it's really something that we tend to hold more invisible. We try to hold those scars. What did you feel right after that, that moment of saying to that group of people that you were a burn survivor?

[00:12:41] Gayle Petrillo: I had two thoughts simultaneously. Oh my goodness. What did I do? What did I say? Yeah, and phew, it's out. It was like a weight being lifted after all those years. Co, you know, coming out of hiding all those years of keeping it quiet. And now I am very visible. As I was growing up and even into my, my adult years, I would do everything possible not to draw attention to myself as a kid.

In school, I would know the answer. I was pretty smart. I would never raise my hand, and if I got called on, I would stumble so badly because of the lack of self-confidence, I couldn't answer the question, so I sounded stupid. I was just, you know. 

[00:13:33] Bettina M Brown: So, you know, I was reading more about you because I've done my research.

I love to research and you have this, this like paragraph about all these different opportunities going out of your comfort zone, going out of your comfort zone to  talk to people. You know, yes, I want this job. Yes, I'm willing to learn this. Yes, I'm doing all of this. Where, where was the shift? What was this moment in time that changed you from I won't raise my hand even though I know the answer to interviewing for jobs that are, are way outside your comfort zone and you still like, still learning how to be qualified for, 

[00:14:09] Gayle Petrillo: you know.

Yeah. Great. Great question. Great understanding, I guess I would say. That's probably the wrong word. But anyway, so two things I think happened maybe more than two. One, as I said, I've been married to my husband a long time, so we've grown up together. Mm-hmm. And he always was in jobs where he was very visible.

He was. Running conferences. He did a lot of networking and when I had the opportunity to travel with him, he would drag me along and he'd bring me in and say, so Jim, this is my husband, Gail Susie, this is my wife Gail, so and so on. And, and then he'd leave me and I'd be like got to go get a glass of water or something.

Right. So he was really an influencer for me. And really took me out of my comfort zone really for the first time as a young adult. In addition to that, I was really, really very fortunate to have a lot of great mentors. As I was working my way through corporate life and working up the, the ladder, if you will, very early on I was recognized as a potential leader at the.

Medical center that I was working at, I was a medical secretary. I had an associate's degree, and somehow they identified me with 24 other people or so to go attend Dale Carnegie courses. That changed my life. I mean, I started out where I wouldn't stand up and say Buddha in front of anybody. I wouldn't read a paragraph out loud to getting up in front of, you know, the 25 of us and the instructor.

And telling stories because Yale, Carnegie is all about telling stories to get your point across. So, I owe a huge debt of thanks to the administration of that hospital because without that, I don't know, you know, where I'd be today. And then my husband encouraged me years later to pursue my bachelor's because he recognized that I really wanted more than what I was doing.

Mm-hmm. And then again, years later, encouraged me to get my master's degree. And honestly, without Al, I, I don't know what my life might have been like. He has pushed me beyond my comfort zone in a great way. Just my moral support, my most avid supporter, my best friend, and my husband. I mean, it's just, I've been very, very lucky and I'm ever grateful.

[00:16:48] Bettina M Brown: With, with, I want to talk about Al because this is an incredible, this is, should I bring him in

[00:16:55] Bettina M Brown: You don't meet a lot of people that have a good source no matter what, whether they're a partner or not. But to have one person and, and one person believe in you can make a life difference. But because you were so quiet, How did he even, how did you learn to build that trust to show him a part of you?

I don't mean like just physically, but just completely that you were hiding because of this accident. What was, what was it about him that allowed you to finally see, okay, I can trust someone with something that is so personal? 

[00:17:32] Gayle Petrillo: Good question. So, I'll go back in time and give you a little background. So my first marriage was an abusive relationship.

I never knew abuse, didn't know what it looked like. I was 20 years old, 21 years old, and all my friends were getting married and having babies, and that's what I wanted. Yeah. And so I married this guy who really seemed to love me. They're very care, care, charismatic, right? And we were married about a year and a half, and when he went to work one day, I told him I was sick.

I packed up my belongings and I went home. So, While I was living with my parents, I knew I needed a job. And in those days you applied for jobs looking in the want ads of the newspaper, and sometimes they were blind ads because associations didn't want you knocking on their door saying, I want this job.

And so I applied. I got a call to get an interview. I went in, it was in downtown Albany, in a beautiful brownstone building, and my mom drove me because downtown Albany at the time was under construction. They were doing flyover bridges for highs cetera, et cetera. So before our cell phones, before Starbucks, my mom drove me, dropped me off, and drove around and around for about an hour and a half.

I went on this interview, this guy and I had an amazing conversation about everything, and I came out of the interview and I, my mom said, so how'd it go? And I said, I met my next husband. I wasn't even literally divorced. My mom's like, I'm going to commit you. She and my dad scraped up some money. They sent me to three weeks out in Tucson, Arizona to stay with my grandparents and two weeks to stay in LA with my aunt and uncle while I was there.

This guy who I'd interviewed with called me and said, I have this dilemma. We got along really great, right? I said, yeah. He said, and I really want to date you, but we have a very strict non fraternization policy here, and I think you're the best qualified for the job. So what do we do? And I said, I don't need a boyfriend.

I need a job. He held the job for me until I came back. He put a temp in there. And we worked and no more. And I'll say, and I, I'm not good with calendar time, but I'll say maybe four or five months in, he called me into his office one day on a Thursday and he shut the door and he had never done that.

We're sitting there looking at each other. He said, so what are you doing Saturday night? I said, I think we're going to dinner and a movie. He said, yep, we are. And within a few weeks we knew where the relationship was going, and we went to the executive director and we said, ”Bill, here's what's going on. We want you to know.”

And he was great. He said, so I'll give you three months to find a great job. Don't just jump into something. And then while before that happened my husband is a, was, he's now retired, but he was a volunteer fireman and so he would get called day and night to go respond and sometimes he wouldn't show up at work because he'd be at a fire call.

And at some point during the course of the day, I would hear from him and he'd be like, I'm not coming in. And I didn't hear from him one morning. And so at lunchtime I got in the car, I drove to the firehouse, it was dead quiet. I drove to his apartment. His car was in the parking lot. I banged on his door.

No one answered. I got the janitor or whatever to open, reluctantly open the door, and I walked into his apartment calling, yelling for him, and he was unconscious with 105 fever on his bed. Took him to the doctor. Doctor, said You have mono and you either go into the hospital, you're not to be alone. And Al wouldn't go into the hospital.

And I moved in and never moved out. Oh, that was 44 years ago. That is a, 

[00:21:29] Bettina M Brown: that is a great story. Is that That is another book. 

[00:21:33] Gayle Petrillo: That is another book. Maybe someday. So, I mean, you asked about trust, right? So he had my trust from day one. It's just that kind of very special relationship that doesn't happen very often.

And my parents were married for over 60 years. To the day my dad died, my mom and dad walked hand in hand everywhere. That's the relationship my husband and I have. Amazing. And that's a 

[00:22:01] Bettina M Brown: beautiful relationship. And I find it interesting, and I know I'm not the only one that ever pointed it out, that he is a firefighter, volunteer firefighter.

And you were burned like right. You really was your savior in so many different ways, right? 

[00:22:16] Gayle Petrillo: Yeah, yeah, exactly. Wow. Exactly. 

[00:22:19] Bettina M Brown: I love talking to you, so, 

[00:22:21] Gayle Petrillo: oh, you're a sweetheart. This is great. Thank you for letting me share my story. I really appreciate it. 

[00:22:27] Bettina M Brown: And so let's go on into what you're doing now. The first impressions.

You retired and now you are a coach. You help people with mock interviews, body language, eliminating self-talk with presentations. How do you believe you, you know, like, again, that you were in healthcare, that was a service orientation, you know, this is service. Maybe that's your love language, is that service organ, but what, tell, tell us a little bit more about that and how we can learn what, 

[00:22:57] Gayle Petrillo: yeah.

So, because a lot of my background was human resources. Mm-hmm. I've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly with resumes, with presentation skills, with interviews, all of that. And so I think when I decided to create my own business, I never hesitated with the name of the company. It just was there. Mm-hmm.

First impressions, image consulting. It was just an automatic, it can't be anything else. And so what I teach, and it's in the book, in the, I think the last chapter of the book as well. We all have what it takes to find self-confidence within ourselves. We just don't know it because we always listen to that little.

Voice in our heads that say, you're not good enough. You're not smart enough, you're not strong enough. You can't do that. Who's gonna listen to you? Right? Whatever it is, there's that, that voice. And so what I help my clients do is find their self confidence by learning what their superpowers are. And the way I think we know superpowers is when someone compliments you.

Wow, that top is so pretty. It compliments your beautiful blue eyes. Your smile is broad. It lightens up the room. You look great. Did you lose 10 pounds? Whatever it is, right? And there's a multitude of compliments and most of us, you know, so if I said to you, what a pretty dress. So many of us say, oh, this old thing, I've had it for eight years.

Mm-hmm. Right. Wrong. Thank you. That's all you need to say. Because they meant it from their heart. They didn't have to compliment you on something. Mm-hmm. Right. So they meant it. And so write down that that beautiful blue dress you had on was complimenting to you because when you put that blue dress on the next time, You're going to remember, Susie told me how beautiful I looked, and you're going to feel better regardless of what, how you woke up in the morning.

When you put that dress on, you're going to remember, and it doesn't matter if it's the way your bangs lay during the day or if it's a, a top or a piece of jewelry. I mean, it doesn't matter, right? And so I tell my clients to jot down their compliments when they get compliments. And then to go back and remember those.

Mm-hmm. Because it's so much easier to remember when somebody knocks us down. There are too many bullies in the world. I was bullied as a kid. Most kids are because kids can be very cruel. And so it's really easy to remember the bad. So write down the good and then go back and remember it. Yes. And then wear that color lipstick, wear that color dress, wear those glasses, whatever it is, and share your smile because smiles are contagious and we need so much more 

[00:26:03] Bettina M Brown: of that.

Yeah, yeah. You know, you're absolutely right And my father would always say, the whole world wants to knock you down. You don't need to stand at the front of the line with both hands helping them right. To really change that perception and that sometimes you are your only advocate and really appreciate that.

I love that you said a smile is the best asset because I was going to tell you that you have a great smile, aren't you sweet?

[00:26:28] Bettina M Brown: And so thank you. But it goes all the way up to your eye, like it's, it's in your soul. And so that is, and I can tell you love what you 

[00:26:35] Gayle Petrillo: do. I do love what I do because I see the changes in people.

So I have a client right now who's a young gal. She's probably 26 or 27. She's amazing. She has some immuno. Suppressing disease or whatever. And so she has a lot of self-confidence issues and she started her own business and she's like, how do I get my name out there? How do I tell people? I said, you have to go to networking.

Oh, I can't do that. I can't be seen in public. I, you know, I'll just pick up the phone. Said you could cold call to your heart's desire, but you're not going to build your business that way. So I start taking her, we would talk about what networking is about because it's more than, oh, here's my business card.

I collected 35. What a success. Right? Yeah. And so I've taken her with me side by side like my husband did with me. Yeah. And several networking to several networking events. She has already grown. She just actually wrote a five star review on my Google page for me today. Oh. And so that, just like, she's blossomed, I'm so proud of her.

And I, I have another client who's actually out of the country and I was referred to her by a mutual friend here. And her thing was, she's a very smart woman. Very, very smart. She gets into an interview, like she'll pass the resume part, she'll pass the phone interview, and then it's a personal interview, whether it's on Zoom or in person, and they ask her questions, she knows the answers to and she just cannot get it out of her mouth.

She just flubs it. She's thinking too far ahead or she's not listening to what the, and so we are doing mock interviews and I can already see, cause I work with her on Zoom. I can already see as we talk about, what's the answer to this question? She gets confidence. Yeah. She's going to nail her next interview.

I know that, that's wonderful. So it's, it's just, it's so rewarding to me, and I know I have been put here to do good. And whether it's working with burn survivors and families, or helping my clients with their own self-confidence issues, doesn't matter. That's, that's, Pardon me. That's what it's about right now.

[00:28:57] Bettina M Brown: That's awesome. And then the last question I have for you, what would you, you've probably heard this too. What would you tell yourself in high school when you're being bullied to, how would you tell yourself to rise up to the person, to the woman who's making the impact and the footprint, which is huge that you're making today?

[00:29:20] Gayle Petrillo: That's a great question. And honestly I don't think anybody's asked me that. It's a great question. So what I would tell my younger self now would be they, how should I put this? Bullies bully because it's a power thing. Mm-hmm. And bullies bully because they don't have self-confidence. So who are they to tell you who to be, what to say and what to think.

Yeah. 

[00:29:56] Bettina M Brown: No, I think that's a great statement. And especially about the power because sometimes we think they have the power. We think the word bully. They have the power when their reality is they themselves don't believe they have this power and they're trying to pull it from you and you're letting them have the power.

Yeah. Don't give that power away. Keep that power in yourself. I just want to make another comment because you were so kind and complimented me on my smile. So I didn't always have this smile and I never smiled until I was about 50, 51. So that's a long time ago. I felt like the last hold back for myself was my smile and so I went and got braces at like 48 and a half years old.

And I had them taken off at 50. I had a huge braces off party, friends and family, and my orthodontist who works with kids and adults had never cried until he met me. So I know this to him and he knows it. I just, I'm so appreciative. 

[00:31:04] Bettina M Brown: You did a great job. I mean, you have, you did a great job.

[00:31:06] Gayle Petrillo: Thank you. Yeah, I had really wicked buck teeth, big spaces.

I needed brace as a kid, but my parents didn't have the money to do that, so, and I don't know that I would've had the self-confidence to even go and do that anyway. Mm-hmm. 

[00:31:23] Bettina M Brown: So, yep. Well now you did. That's phenomenal. Well, thank you so very much for your time. Like this has been such an enjoyable interview and I think you're doing great things.

I'm going to put all this information out there and you know what, you are helping other women rise up to their occasion and their, their footprints. So again, thank you so much. Thank 

[00:31:44] Gayle Petrillo: you. I really appreciate your having me on and your time and keep smiling because you have a beautiful smile too. 

[00:31:51] Bettina M Brown: Okay. Thank you so much.

I sure hope you enjoyed this interview as much as I did. I think you could tell our voices kept getting louder because we were just having such a great conversation. She really an inspiration of what she's overcome and it does go to show that just having one person believe in you and. Thrive with you can really change your life.

And so if you are that one person for someone else, never think that you're not enough because you are. So I hope that you really enjoyed this podcast, and if you did, please leave it a five star review. It does so much to just broaden the horizons and put this in the ears and hands of those that could really need it.

And until next time, let's keep building one another up.