Imagine:
You are sitting on a rocking chair, drinking iced (or hot) tea, and you strike up a conversation with the person next to you. As they share their story, you start to hang on to every word, and know that you are forever changed by their story.
You have a new respect for the human spirit.
That is what this time with CiCi was like for me.
Thank you for your time and interest in this podcast! I invite you to leave a heartfelt review on whichever podcast platform you listen to. It does so much to bring exposure to the podcast and helps lift others up!
To leave a review, helping us spread the contents of this podcast- click on this link! Thank you!
Connect with me!
Website: In the Rising Podcast Website
Email: Bettina@intherising.com
In the Rising Pinterest:
In the Rising Facebook
Check out the Website: Fit after Breast Cancer
Imagine:
You are sitting on a rocking chair, drinking iced (or hot) tea, and you strike up a conversation with the person next to you. As they share their story, you start to hang on to every word, and know that you are forever changed by their story.
You have a new respect for the human spirit.
That is what this time with CiCi was like for me.
Thank you for your time and interest in this podcast! I invite you to leave a heartfelt review on whichever podcast platform you listen to. It does so much to bring exposure to the podcast and helps lift others up!
To leave a review, helping us spread the contents of this podcast- click on this link! Thank you!
Connect with me!
Website: In the Rising Podcast Website
Email: Bettina@intherising.com
In the Rising Pinterest:
In the Rising Facebook
Check out the Website: Fit after Breast Cancer
[00:00:00] Bettina M Brown: Hello my name is Bettina Brown and this is in the Rising podcast, the platform that I've chosen to talk about living a life that's in alignment with our hopes, our dreams, and our goals. And sometimes we look into our past and we're not really thrilled with the shame and the blame and the unpretty parts back there.
But they do mold us into incredible people if we allow them to. And that's the story I have to share with you today. I had a wonderful conversation with Cece Owen and she just has a story of resiliency of the human spirit that. I have yet to really have a conversation with someone who has been through this much and still laughs from her gut.
You can feel it through the microphone and through the podcast. So, I welcome you and enjoy the podcast. So, I am excited to, to see you. You left quite a story, and I'm going to be honest, you're one of the few people I've interviewed that I didn't write a whole lot of questions. Beforehand, you know, I just wanted to see how this conversation unfolds because you have a story of survival So I would like to kind of start from the beginning because your first your second sentence was you know You never knew your birth mother and Tell us, tell us a little bit more about that.
I don't want to, I don't want to spoil it.
[00:01:29] Ci Ci Owen: You won't spoil it at all. It's just that I didn't know her and who I thought was my mother. I found out later on that she wasn't my birth mother, but that's who all I knew. And the way that this woman got me was on a bus. There's I call this the sperm donor.
He's supposed to be a father, but he was really just a sperm donor. And he had me on the bus in the winter, improperly dressed, and there was a nurse on the bus. that saw that and offered to take care of me or help him out. However, that conversation went, and I ended up living with her and her younger daughter, which who I thought was my mom.
And there was both nurses, which I didn't know until later, but that's basically how that happened. She saw a need. And she was moved by that need and I lived with them and I grew up in that house until I was about 10 years old.
[00:02:45] Bettina M Brown: So you were with them for many, many years, like 8, 9, 10 years then.
[00:02:50] Ci Ci Owen: Yes.
Yes. I guess I had clean sheets, food, bed. Yeah. Yeah. I had a normal, what I call the normal life. And looking back, I thought maybe we was wealthy. Yeah. Because love kind of does that, you know, regardless of your situations. When you're with a, a strong family that loves you, you, you, you don't see anything but love.
So you're thinking you, you have it all.
[00:03:27] Bettina M Brown: Yeah. Yeah. And, and so how did, so you didn't really have. Any bad feelings at that time you thought you were completely part of this family No one ever told you that how you came into that family.
[00:03:41] Ci Ci Owen: No, I just didn't understand why kids used to call me two tone or mulatto Or
I you know, I didn't understand Really what it meant Until later on and apparently, I guess they knew that I was biracial because I was extremely fair with at that time some freckles and red hair. So I guess, you know, they knew a little more than I did.
[00:04:13] Bettina M Brown: Because you knew love. You didn't know to look for skin color.
You just knew family and, and relatives and friends, right? Yeah. Yeah.
[00:04:20] Ci Ci Owen: That, that. Was not ever expressed to me at that time, even though the world America was going through its changes. But I was kept away from that. I was pretty much sheltered.
[00:04:38] Bettina M Brown: And then, then some things changed, right?
[00:04:40] Ci Ci Owen: Yeah, adults, adults, you know, sometimes adults bring their childhood trauma and experiences and pain into their adulthood because they never have taken care of it.
And they end up passing it on to the children. And that's me. The sperm donor will come by once in a very blue moon. And when he was come by, he would always take me for ice cream. So in a child's mind, that's we fun, happy. Yeah. You know? And that's all, you know, And so one day he, when he came to pick me up, I never went back.
And when I never went back, I was put into a world that I was not familiar with. And that was as they will call The hood, the ghettos, the depression, the alcohol, the liquor stores on every corner, you know, it was, it was a different place for me. It was totally out of my realm.
[00:05:59] Bettina M Brown: And your story, you, he says, he introduces you to a woman who says she's now your mother. Yeah.
[00:06:06] Ci Ci Owen: For some apparent reason, I, I, I understand a lot of men that They would do that. They would have a problem with, with the mother or the mother, with the husband, boyfriend, whatever. And then there's conflict and a child gets caught up in the middle. And then before you know it, he may take the child and say, Hey, I'm introducing you to your new mom. Yeah. You know, like that's okay.
You know, where do they get this from is beyond me. So apparently. There was some deep rooted seated issues that he had that was never taken care of, but you got to also remember that I, I believe, you know, the thirties and forties was a whole different world, you know, for, he was, he was a very dark man with, with cold curly hair, black hair, and apparently he attracted a lot of women and he just passed me on from pillar to post.
Oh, wow. Yeah. And I mean, didn't even think about if these women were right in their mind. Alcoholics or drug addicts or prostitutes. I mean, you meet them in the club, in the bars. And that's where you hang at and you drink and that's where you pick, that's your litter in the bar. That's where you pick your women at or your men at and then you wonder why you get what you get.
Yeah.
[00:07:50] Bettina M Brown: True. And then how did you describe how you felt? Like to me that's complete blindsided and fear. Of not knowing what the next minute will bring.
[00:08:00] Ci Ci Owen: Well, yeah, but I guess maybe I think I was a daddy's girl. even though he wasn't there? Or was it just the fact that he took me for ice cream and that was a big thing to a kid, you know?
And I remember the first time when he dropped me To a woman's house after he never brought me back and I did everything I was taught by who I thought my mom was. So in this instance, I'm just going to say my mom. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So when I met this woman, I did everything I thought I could do. I curtsied.
I spoke proper. And I said, good morning or good afternoon, Miss, whatever her name was, and I did everything that I was taught. I was taught how to walk with a book on your head, how to hold yourself up, how to speak, how to sit. I was being groomed that way. That doesn't work in the ghetto.
Newsflash. It does not work in the ghetto. You know, they're trying to survive. They have no interest in etiquette or anything else. They want to know when they're going to get their next meal, how they're going to pay the bills, when their check come in. And that's just how it was. And here I come being called, Oh.
As she said to me when he left, she looked at me and she said, Oh, you're trying to be white. You think you're white and just start punching. I mean, instantly. And you know, the, you know, the black eyes, the bloody nose, all that stuff, you know, comes with it. So. I've never in my life experienced stuff like that before.
So you're talking about PTSD and shell shock. That was me. That was me. And the kids, when I, when I got to the environment and I'm looking out the window as we're driving up, these kids are running up to the car that I'm in. They got snot running down their nose. They're dirty. Their hair is dirty. I just wasn't used to that because.
The way I was coming up, you change your school clothes when you got home into your play clothes. You know, it was just... a different life. These kids, I mean, I was kind of appalled. I don't know if I showed it, but I'm sure I kind of moved back. Like what's wrong with them, you know, not I, you know, and that's why I can understand how rich kids may be, you know, cause they're not used.
to anything different. So when you walk or act a certain way, they can't relate because it's unrelatable because their whole environment is, you know, well, we have this. How can you not have that? That's. You're not driving a Mercedes at the age of 16. What's wrong with you? Are you one of those poor people?
I mean, I can understand they just can't relate. Unfortunately, a lot of them are running the country this way. But hey, you know, they can't relate.
[00:11:45] Bettina M Brown: And I think that's a good way of your perspective is. That, you know, you could, you can even understand someone else's of not, you can understand and relate to how they cannot understand and relate.
It's just a total different environment. And you had not been exposed to this. Previously, regardless of your skin color, you had not been exposed to this sort of like what you said, survival. And when you're in survival in the basic needs, it's just like the hierarchy, you know, the basic needs, politeness and, and trying to do all that.
That's not in there. It's food, water, shelter.
[00:12:21] Ci Ci Owen: That's a sign of weakness, politeness and kindness and consideration. is a sign of weakness because you are considered in the jungle and you have to fight to survive and I had to learn how to be something I wasn't so I had to turn into a chameleon for survival.
[00:12:46] Bettina M Brown: And you also said you loved school, but then there were days you weren't allowed to go. I'm, I suspect that school was a whole different environment as well.
[00:12:55] Ci Ci Owen: Well, yes, it was. Of course you have your bullies in the school and being a teacher's pet because here I come into a school and I'm dealing with straight A's.
I have been skipped twice. So I'm sitting next to the teacher's desk. I'm the teacher's pet. So you know what happens to the teacher's pet. You're getting attention. They're not getting attention. Then there's jealousy, envy, and bullies. So You know, the reason I wasn't able to go to school is because after they got finished pulling tricks that night, you know, there's a lot of alcohol, there's a lot of vomiting, I have to clean it up, I have to clean up the vomit, I have to get rid of the alcohol bottles, I have to, you know, do all of this stuff that's stunk, I had to clean it up.
So there was no time for school, I had to take care of them in a way that I could not comprehend or understand. I just knew for me not to get beat up. I just had to clean stuff up and deal with whatever came with it.
[00:14:17] Bettina M Brown: Wow. And so you had some pivotal moments as well, where, where there were some people that were on your side, like your, your martial arts instructor, for example, tell it, tell a little bit about that.
[00:14:30] Ci Ci Owen: Well, the thing is God works in mysterious ways, boy, I tell you-
I had to be what they call forged by fire. And there was, which I didn't know, there was a plan for me, apparently. And this martial arts guy used to see me, you know, getting beat up, getting ran home, the whole nine. And so he offered to teach me how to fight. But at that time, females wasn't really allowed in school.
It was mostly all boys. And this is back in the day of Bruce Lee, when Bruce Lee was alive and punching. And what happened was I went to his school. His school was in his house. And I was the only female. And of course the guys would not like that. So that meant that they was going to do everything possible to get rid of me, but I'm already used to getting beat up.
And after a period of child, when a, when a, when a child does not cry anymore, anger took over and Lord knows what can happen. Once a child gets to the anger point, they can either implode or explode. And so For them to try to run me away, you know, it didn't work because it was like in a controlled environment, you know, so, but I met, I got closer to God there and a lot of doors started to open and when the exercises or cause we would train three hours a day.
And when it got too hard, I always prayed to God while I was going through it for help because I, you know, it was, it was difficult, which is good. Difficult is good, you know, hard is good because it's like a butterfly. You have to try to get out that cocoon so you have to strengthen your muscles from inside out until you're able to break free.
You know, and that's how I looked at it. So, you know, I mean looking back at it, but once I ran away from home, then those martial arts skills helped me live on the street as well as the prostitutes. kind of protected me to make sure that no pimps was getting to me. They would tell me to leave an area.
They would give me food, you know, and make sure I dress like a boy, you know, so that way I will be as safe as possible.
[00:17:32] Bettina M Brown: So you had help kind of in strange curves and spaces that you were still having some protection from strangers in ways you never had protection from your own family.
[00:17:42] Ci Ci Owen: They, yeah, I don't, I wouldn't call them my family.
They was just markers along the way for my growth. You know, that, that's how I look at it. And, you know, they say like pockets of pain is like a hangnail that get infected. You know, it can drive your emotions to believe the lies that your mind is dealing with. It's like a spiritual trick, you know, you have on one side, you know, God on one side with the seeds, and then you have, you know, the demon on the other side with the seeds and you have a wounded heart.
And it's like, which seeds do you choose? You know, because if the ground was never tilled, you would never grow. If he was never pruned and it hurts, you will never grow. So, I honestly believe that. There was a mission for me because I had a lot of spiritual encounters before I left that house or was taken out that house, you know even though she tried to come find me and she did, she would find wherever I was at, but the fear, the fear to move, I would sit on a stoop and she would come by.
You know what a stoop is, right? I do. Okay, for those that don't know, it's like sitting on a porch in the city and an apartment building and she would say, come on, baby, come on. But the fear was so strong because remember I used to never gotten beat like that before. So the, you know, I would say in my heart, come get me.
I just didn't have the courage. I was frozen, you know, so she never got out the car and came and got me and I sat there in fear, frozen. I just couldn't move. So I understand what that is too. So when I talk with people and they tell me that they were so afraid, they could, I could relate. There's a lot of things I can relate to because I've been there and done that.
And who is the best person to talk to? Someone that's been there and done that, made a movie, got a t shirt, you know. You want to talk to someone that can relate to you, you know?
[00:20:13] Bettina M Brown: Because we, we connect through stories. And so it's not just words you hear, but you feel their emotions with them in those instances.
And that's, that's really powerful. And you mentioned God, where do you feel that your first kind of experiences and knowledge with God came?
[00:20:32] Ci Ci Owen: When I fell off the mountain, let me explain. I'm going to say it's more of a cliff and this is what I believe it is. But this is my small interpretation, you know, because God is much wiser than me.
So there was a dream that I had at a very young age. And I remember falling off this cliff head first. And in that fall, I kept crying out to God, God, God. And I kept crying out to God. I got all the way down to the size of a mustard seed when my nose almost hit the ground, the size of a mustard seed. And I still held on to my belief and then I was placed on my feet and the dream left.
And ever since then, I've had spiritual encounters.
[00:21:43] Bettina M Brown: Well, it's definitely very powerful. And it, when you feel, you know, your mission and you, that you have someone on really watching your back, you're a different person here.
[00:21:54] Ci Ci Owen: Yeah, but you got to remember when you're in the flesh, you know, we see things and it.
We don't, we don't, we don't realize the attempt. We kind of. Look at that experience we're having right now. It's real. It's live. But those that have spiritual eyes know it's manifested from something. It's coming from something and it manifests itself to what you see. So, there's so many ways, you know, I've learned to deal with that.
And I was always taught, you know, going through the martial arts world, that there's a spirit. And some people will say gut reaction, when it happens to you, immediately you have to get rid of it, or it's like poison. Once it gets into your system, into your bloodline, into your system, you're frozen, and then that's when the attack comes.
So you have to learn discernment when you feel the fear of is about to come on, you have to move it immediately. Do not let it bite into you or poison you. And I've learned that so I make sure that when that happens. I know who to call on and, and I, I push forward with that. I just push forward with that.
[00:23:39] Bettina M Brown: Wow. And CiCi you also mentioned that you went into a career of law enforcement.
[00:23:45] Ci Ci Owen: Yeah. Before the law enforcement though I was in television and I was swimming with the sharks and I wasn't emotionally ready to deal with sharks. I mean, enough abuse is enough. And then you go deal with the sharks and then you got to deal with their drama.
So I figured that I'll get into law enforcement so I can get a backbone. And I jumped out of the frying pan into the fire. Boy, did I if I would have known when I knew, I probably wouldn't have done it because that was a time where women was not allowed. The men always had those rated triple X pictures, pornography all over the place.
And here you come, now they gotta take him down, and, you know, they wasn't happy with that because now their mad cave is being messed up, and they can't tell all the dirty jokes, and, you know, all the stuff that they shouldn't have been doing anyway. You know, but yeah, I was one of those forerunners, I'm the one, one of the ones that came in and opened the door and took all the drama.
All the, all the headaches because a lot of female officers at that time was getting sexually abused by officers and higher ups, they was being chased out. They was being set up. There was being hurt on a job. anything and get rid of them, get rid of us. But because, you know, I already been through the fire in that aspect.
Emotionally, I wasn't ready to deal with the negativity because I had enough of it growing up. So once I got into law enforcement, I was able to fight back if I had to. And because of that, they kind of knew that. I would, I would knock you out, yes,
but I was humble and quiet. And even the, the jokes will go around or the racial, the racial tones, or they would throw taller tissue in the bathroom when the girls had to go to the bathroom. They would sabotage equipment, you know, whatever young boys do. You know, because they don't get an attention or whatever.
So I, I had to deal with all that. So when I see women down in the field of television and law enforcement, I kind of smile because it's like, yeah, I paved the way for you. I paved the way for you.
[00:26:45] Bettina M Brown: Wow. And so where do you feel like with your story, you know, which is so personal and so raw. Do you feel that fighting back that telling your story and being honest is a way of fighting back for all those people that find joy in abusing their children or saying here's a new mom or not, not being attentive to their family.
[00:27:11] Ci Ci Owen: I think what it is. More so is not fighting back. It's it's not fighting back in that sense of how can I say it? Well, when you say fighting back, I'm trying to place that, you know, because push, push back. Yeah. Let me explain what I mean. First and foremost, our parents, if they are Right. Good. We're blessed with that.
If they are not good because they're dysfunctional, they came from dysfunction. And as children, you don't know that you take it personal because you're thinking about, well, what about me? Who's taking care of me? Why isn't anybody looking at me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Beginning to sound like a robot, you know, but there comes a time you have to step back and go, Oh, get it.
They've been abused and neglected and hurt. They've never been hugged. They've never been loved. This is how they were treated. And it's a generational thing, perhaps, you know. It's generational. It goes down the line. So, now here I am, and I have to stop it. I have to stop that entity by any means necessary.
And that's when you come to the realization that you're not here to please everyone. You're here for a purpose and a reason. And that's to glorify God. That's to get through what you need to get through. You need to get over your sweet self, as Joyce Myers was saying. You need to get over yourself. Okay.
Heal. Move on. So you can help heal others. Get off yourself. If you know your parents has been dysfunctional and they've been hurt, if you can help pull them out of that grave, then do so. And if you can't, you just pray for them, shake the sand off your feet and keep moving. But the thing is, You know, I truly believe in a spiritual realm because like I said, as a young age, I experienced a lot of things in that realm and I am very aware that if you think it's only one way and that's what you see.
That's what you feel. No, it's like we are spiritual beings having a physical experience. And if you are true to thyself, and you deal with all the muck and mire that's in you because you really want to heal, then you do that. It takes time, but the beauty of it is As you are healing, you become higher and higher in your spiritual realm because things start to open up to you and you come to realize That there's a whole nother thing going on than what you thought.
You saw the movie 300, right? I did. That's like my life to, you know, when the young boys are taken from their mother at a tender age and they're beaten and they're left to fend for themselves and they have to find their own food and they have to rise above everything else. And then, and then, that's when you become the leader that you was meant to be.
That's when you can go out and you can deal with all the drama in this world because you're strong enough to deal with it all because you've been there, done that, and overcame it. That's what I'm talking about.
[00:31:37] Bettina M Brown: And with that, your, your last sentence to me was embrace the trials by fire in your life so that you too may become the spiritual warrior you were meant to become.
[00:31:49] Ci Ci Owen: Yes.
[00:31:50] Bettina M Brown: Yes. Well, this has been so enlightening for me and I, I really appreciate UCC listening to you talk. I, I really, I'm really grateful for your story and, and your, your perspection and, and just your, your honesty with, with everything. I really do appreciate that.
[00:32:14] Ci Ci Owen: Well, don't you think you're needed?
Don't you think that there's a purpose and a reason that you're having this podcast and the people that is being drawn to you? You have a purpose. You have a reason. You're seasoned in this. This is, you're the salt. You're the light. Don't ever, ever give that up to anybody. We need you in the fight. We need you.
[00:32:41] Bettina M Brown: Well, I appreciate that. Because I'm salty right now and I'm going to put it on whatever I can to really. Really bring up and, and to really encourage and lift up people because like you said, we all have a story and I certainly have mine. And this is really just the, to hear other people's story, to hear how they've journeyed through it, that can do so much for the next person that you may or may not meet now, but you'll learn that one day.
And in there, in that work, there is honor.
[00:33:14] Ci Ci Owen: Yes. Yes. There's nothing like freedom from your past.
[00:33:21] Bettina M Brown: This was such a powerful conversation that I had with Cece and it just kind of sat with me after we got off our Zoom call. And I hope that it also sits with you, you know, shake the sad off your feet. And keep on walking the, the then what we're implying with that is you got to keep going.
The sad and the hurt will be there, but it is in the going. And that yes, sometimes with taking a step forward, that can be small things. What we consider small things, just getting out of bed, just getting dressed, just going to work, just getting yourself through the motions. But it is a yes. And every single one of them is a step forward.
And so I really, really enjoyed our conversation and if you felt that this was the type of conversation that you, you are able to help bring up others with, go ahead and share it and leave a five star review. It does so much for my podcast to just put this in the hands and the ears of those that could really use it.
And until next time, let's keep building one another up!