Reclaiming Your Sanity: Lindsay Dunlap's Strategies for Stressed Moms

The podcast episode titled "Reclaiming Your Sanity: Lindsay Dunlap's Strategies for Stressed Moms" discusses Lindsay Dunlap's personal journey and the strategies she has developed for stressed moms. The episode begins with Lindsay sharing the catalyst for her rise - her husband's accident. Lindsay describes herself as a farm wife and talks about her 11-year marriage. She then explains how her life took a turn in 2014 when her husband had a severe accident that led to the amputation of his leg. Lindsay recounts the moment when her husband called her, calmly informing her about the accident and the total shock she felt.

The podcast episode dives into Lindsay's strategies for reclaiming sanity amidst challenging circumstances. While the specific strategies are not mentioned in the given text, listeners can expect to hear Lindsay share her insights and tips on managing stress as a mom. It is likely that the episode will explore topics such as self-care, setting boundaries, finding support, and maintaining resilience. Listeners can look forward to gaining valuable perspective and practical advice from Lindsay Dunlap's experience.



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Transcript

[00:00:00] Bettina M Brown: Hello, and welcome to In the Rising podcast. My name is Bettina Brown, and this is the platform that I've chosen to talk about living a life that's in alignment with your hopes, your dreams, your goals, turning your back, walking away from shame and blame that does nothing to advance your life, to move that needle forward for you.

[00:00:30] Bettina M Brown: I had a great conversation with Lindsay Dunlap as she describes her experience that brought her to exhaustion, even though the experience was all done in love, but she found herself and thereby found a new Path and new life purpose for part of her journey here. And I'm so excited for you to listen, Lindsay.

[00:00:55] Bettina M Brown: Thank you so much for your time, for being here on my podcast this evening for us. 

[00:01:04] Lindsay Dunlap: Happy to be here. 

[00:01:05] Bettina M Brown: Thank you. So, you wrote your wife, mother, and business owner, and you shared a very personal story. Would you like to share that in your own words? 

[00:01:16] Lindsay Dunlap: Yeah, so when, when I saw the title of your podcast in the rising, I went, yeah, that speaks to me.

[00:01:23] Lindsay Dunlap: Because my journey of kind of rising up was, was. Really a catalyst from my husband's accident. So, I am a farm wife. So, my husband and I have been married for 11 years. And in 2014, just before our 5th wedding anniversary, we were celebrating. I had, we had a three year old son. Our daughter was born in July of 2014.

[00:01:55] Lindsay Dunlap: And then on December 1st of 2014, my husband called me. It was a Monday morning. I was at work and he said, I think you need to come home. I think I just cut my leg off. And I went, are you kidding me? And he said, no, honey, I'm not kidding you. Like, and the, the most eerie, calm, like total shock was just flowing through his body.

[00:02:26] Lindsay Dunlap: And, and in that moment. You know, you don't know what's happening. You just like kind of run. You just, you know, everything kind of goes on autopilot and you're like, okay, this is what I'm doing. So, that was December of 2014 and he lost his left leg below the knee. In the farm accident, and we're sitting in the hospital and the doctor says, hey, 2 to 3 months, he'll get fitted for a prosthetic.

[00:02:57] Lindsay Dunlap: He's fairly young. You know, he, he was in his. Late thirties at the time, and he's like, he's fairly young. He's, he's pretty active and you know, he'll, he'll be okay. In January of 2016 is when he got fitted for his first prosthetic mm-hmm. . So we went 13 months with, without really even considering this.

[00:03:22] Lindsay Dunlap: He battled M R S A one time. We had a beautiful plastic surgeon who wanted to support him. But that took a lot of reconstruction because it was a traumatic amputation and there's just a lot that goes into that. And again, I was working full time outside of the home. He had doctor's appointments out the yin yang and I had 2 small kids.

[00:03:52] Lindsay Dunlap: And that unconsciously, you just pour yourself into that. You're like, every ounce of me has to go into this because everyone needs something from me. If, you know, we had 2 dogs, we, you know, it's just, there's, there's just. Always somebody needing something. So luckily, you know, he did after he had got his first prosthetic, he did have MRSA a second time.

[00:04:21] Lindsay Dunlap: So, then we went kind of backwards a little bit. And there's a lot of this, like, I can't take 1 more thing. And why, you know, all of those questions. But we finally got on this routine. We finally got on this. Like, okay, so he's back to work, the kids are getting a little older and I, I started realizing that with everyone being a little bit more self-sufficient, I didn't know what to do for me because I hadn't had that opportunity for three and a half years.

[00:04:57] Lindsay Dunlap: And so that's where kind of my transformation started to happen and, and I started looking at where can I shine? Yes. I love my family. Yes. You know, I always tell people I wouldn't change my decision in a heartbeat. It's not like I would say, forget this. I don't want to be here with you. What I recognize now is that I had more of a say there.

[00:05:26] Lindsay Dunlap: You know, people would always ask me, how do you do this? My answer would always be, I don't have much of a choice. Now I look back with, with things that I have learned and work that I've done on me and for me that is that I do get a choice in everything. And when you, when you make that a conscious choice.

[00:05:51] Lindsay Dunlap: There's so much less stress. There's so much less anxiety. There's so much less overwhelm because you know, you may, you had a say, and then you also recognize that if you're not happy with how it's turning out, you get a say in that too. So, so there's a lot less of that victim, a lot less of that. Why is this happening to me?

[00:06:12] Lindsay Dunlap: When, when you start making those subtle shifts, I know that was a long winded answer. 

[00:06:18] Bettina M Brown: Well, no, it's well, you, we have to get the context. You know, and because you've been through it and, and I'm, I'm in healthcare, I know what MRSA is, but I want to just identify for people who don't know that this is an infection that is resistant to one of our main antibiotic classes.

[00:06:35] Bettina M Brown: And so, you run the risk and for some people, it's a different antibiotic for some, it's a six week course of antibiotics. It just depends on the and you have to dress up. It's, it's contagious. And, and so it's not a small deal. And when you have small children, you also have this other thing that your husband that you've loved, you want to attend to, but you have to be cautious that you don't give what your husband has to your children and you remain healthy because when we're fatigued, we are, our immune system is down.

[00:07:09] Bettina M Brown: So that's a huge, huge thing there.

[00:07:12] Lindsay Dunlap: And my husband's type one diabetic also healing process does not work the same way. So you're more susceptible to having needing more time for healing and needing more time for plastic surgery, making sure all your diet is, is okay. So it, it's not just traumatic, not that that's not enough, but it's not just a traumatic event.

[00:07:35] Bettina M Brown: It's. Well, what now, you know can we even heal to get the prosthetic and, and that is a long time, 13 months to get there. And so that means any walking, we are literally one, one leg is gone. What has been there for decades is now gone. And that's a mental shift. That's a mental shift for your family, for you.

[00:07:56] Bettina M Brown: So, it's a, it's not just a farming accident. It is a whole life change and how, and, and a lot of people, when we lose a limb, we lose some of our identity as well and have to reshape our identity because it was in a certain body shape. And so, all of your family went through that. And then you added that you came to a point when you were thinking about where can I shine because I looked at when, when, especially, especially women, especially wives, especially mothers that we tend to put ourselves further down.

[00:08:36] Bettina M Brown: And there are three main classes. And one says. You have lost touch with your own goals, passions, and life purpose. And it sounds like you found that. And was it a one day, Lindsay, where you're like, I lost touch or was it like a gradual shift? 

[00:08:53] Lindsay Dunlap: I think it was, and, and again, I learned more of this as I kind of look back on, on how all these pieces go together.

[00:09:01] Lindsay Dunlap: I think it started with just kind of like sheer exhaustion of saying, I just need. I need a break. I, I kept telling my husband that and I was like, I need to get away. I need to not have responsibility. Like, so he took me on a beautiful vacation, you went to the beach, which for him just wasn't as enjoyable anymore.

[00:09:22] Lindsay Dunlap: Like, I know that was. Solely, you know, his way of trying to say, like, okay, you deserve a break. So, like, you have that kind of, like, start of sheer exhaustion and just, like, it starts as almost as resentment of why can't someone else do this for you? Like, I'm not the only person here and I know any mom can relate to that.

[00:09:48] Lindsay Dunlap: You have another parent in the household. Calling my name all the time or anything like that. But the, the moment I remember, I started setting my alarms on the weekends. I would wake up early before my kids would wake up so I could have a quiet cup of coffee and I could just like sit in silence. I would let my dogs out and I would just.

[00:10:13] Lindsay Dunlap: Be able to sit and have some coffee and I, I picked up a devotional book and I just kind of started flipping through that and just kind of letting myself investigate. And then I, I remember 1 morning, I just had this thought, like, this very clear message of go be a coach. Like, I remember that statement go be a coach.

[00:10:44] Lindsay Dunlap: I didn't even know really what I was going to be doing at the time. So, I have an HR background. So I, have heard of executive coaches and, and understand the concept of it, but that was a so crystal clear of knowing that, yes, I, I shine when I get to support other people. And by, by recognizing, then the choices that I have of where I can support other people and how I do that best.

[00:11:16] Lindsay Dunlap: Like, again, like, whereas having more and more resentment of can't someone else do this? Like, I'm tired. And are you never going to be able to do anything on your own for my kids? And that's different because now I recognize, like. Yeah. To me to be a support person in any way is what I'm good at. Like, that's what I'm here for people who want to take action.

[00:11:48] Lindsay Dunlap: That's what I always tell people coaching is all about coaching is about taking action. There's just magic that happens over time when you start kind of taking that self-discovery journey. So that moment was where I kind of, I will pinpoint of. That's where it all started unfolding. But again, there's little snippets here and there that just kind of flash back every once in a while.

[00:12:13] Lindsay Dunlap: I go, oh, now I know that makes more sense now. 

[00:12:18] Bettina M Brown: Yeah. And then when you, so you didn't know much about coaching and, but see the process of how you became the coach you are and what kind of coach you are. What kind of coaching are you, are you working through? 

[00:12:33] Lindsay Dunlap: Yeah. So I, when I had that kind of epiphany I just started researching different types of coaching programs because for me, it was really important to have some structure and have some, some education behind it.

[00:12:51] Lindsay Dunlap: I didn't just want to wake up one day and say, Hey, I'm a coach come work with me. Yeah. Because for me, I wanted to represent myself in a way that had some, some backing and some tools and resources to support my clients. So I found a program called IPEC and it focuses on core energy coaching, which is really focusing on the fact that, I mean, it sounds a little woo woo and people think I'm a little crazy sometimes, but it's science.

[00:13:21] Lindsay Dunlap: We're all energy. I mean. Yeah. We all have a certain amount of energy that we get to use. It's about how you use it. Are you using it to tear yourself down with that worry and that stress and that frustration and the sadness? Or are you working to build yourself up? Are you using it in a way that projects that core of who you are?

[00:13:46] Lindsay Dunlap: You know, are you focusing on what's happening to you, or are you focusing on what you get to create in a day? There's 2 very different energies there. So I went through that program. It was a yearlong course and, and I got to be coached. So I got to be, you know, I worked with peer coaches and I got to have peer clients and just really kind of unfolding how I wanted to support people.

[00:14:16] Lindsay Dunlap: And it's evolved over time, even now. So I finished that program about 3 and a half years ago, and there's been different subsections of who I have supported over that time. But who I have really been pulled to and who I really love to support are those stressed out moms you know, the, the, the ones who have those moments of, I love my family, but I love my family, but I also love my job or I love my business.

[00:14:56] Lindsay Dunlap: But I feel bad pulling time away from my family to go work in my business, or I'm a bad mom because I love my job and 

[00:15:06] Bettina M Brown: that makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. And I want to highlight that, you know, because not everyone, we hear more about coaching and because I'm now a life coach myself, having gone through this process.

[00:15:20] Bettina M Brown: It is not a weekend little course. Like I'm glad that you said the time this is, this is a full certification. There are many different kinds and you can look and there's, you know, subsections, but this is something that someone dedicates time to learning because it's not about trying to be a therapist and figure out your whole past is where are you now?

[00:15:42] Bettina M Brown: And what about your future? Yeah. And with that energy term, because we, we are sometimes afraid to talk about energy because we're like, well, it's kind of woo woo. And that's, and that's true. But on the other hand, we're, you know, true science is backing up that, you know, emotions are energy in motion that you can feel, you can be with someone and you're like, I just feel energized.

[00:16:06] Bettina M Brown: I'm excited about whatever. And then you just see somebody else and you like your shoulder slump and you're like, I'm more ready. Drained, we use it in our language. So if we think about what we use in our terminology, the truth is in, in our gut, right? We are there. And so when you're talking to, you know, you said your subset are stressed out moms, having been a stressed out mom, having had the week of last week where I'm like, I know you have a dad but being in that position where You only have so many minutes for so much and where can you put a finite amount of energy in and still receive the joy from that?

[00:16:50] Bettina M Brown: And, and a lot of times we think to do one more thing is going to be more exhausting, but if we do something that brings us joy. It's like invigorating. And so, tell me a little bit more like the client when you, what you see and where they come from, maybe like a mini case study. 

[00:17:08] Lindsay Dunlap: Yeah. So a lot of things, and I, I've kind of been leaning into this idea of to be, women are always looking for balance.

[00:17:18] Lindsay Dunlap: We always want to have, you know, this work life balance. And I, I'm even listening to a book right now. It's called the 1 thing. I wish I remember who the author was, but I read that book.

[00:17:30] Lindsay Dunlap: So, so it's really funny because even in that book, I heard. I heard him mention that the term of work life balance only really became popular in the 80s when women started going more into the workforce.

[00:17:45] Lindsay Dunlap: Because. Women used to be at home, so there wasn't a need for balance because there was always somebody at home. There was someone to go to work. And now that moms are going to work. Now, there's this need for balance. So, you know, we talk a lot about what is balance look like to you because we have this vision in our head.

[00:18:13] Lindsay Dunlap: This expectation that's not even really clear of I'm just overwhelmed. Okay, so what does not overwhelmed look like? So, so, you know, what you don't want, you don't want this feeling that you feel right now. What do you want? And usually the 1st answer is, I don't know. I just don't want to feel this way.

[00:18:38] Lindsay Dunlap: Perfect. That's a great place to start. And so, we start getting to kind of peel away those layers of really getting to those values. I, I love doing like values assessments and just really kind of evaluating. What's important and not even what's important, but what is your priority? What are those non negotiables kind of that compass that gets to guide you?

[00:19:05] Lindsay Dunlap: You know, for me, family is a value. You know, honesty is a value. I, I'm not going to really want to spend time with people if I don't feel like they're being honest with me. And before I may have felt bad because, well, I'm supposed to be nice. I'm supposed to be the person who likes everybody. But now that I'm clear on a value of honesty, I feel so much more secure to say, thanks, but no thanks.

[00:19:40] Lindsay Dunlap: Because it's not serving me, it's not, it's not allowing me to be the best version of me that can then go and use my energy in more productive ways. If I'm putting myself in a position with someone or something that doesn't align with me, I'm draining my energy for no good. So, just that recognition of what are those values and how can you highlight those?

[00:20:13] Lindsay Dunlap: How can you align with those on a more regular basis? And the other thing I love to tell my clients is listen, you didn't get here overnight. So you're not going to flip a switch and all of a sudden be this like new version of you tomorrow after one session, you know, that that's not how this works. So, so you kind of fall in love with each step of it.

[00:20:38] Lindsay Dunlap: Gratitude for me as a huge piece to that, you know, finding those wins, finding those things to be grateful for every day, even if it's just the fact that you woke up, you know, that there's always something. Because. Like attracts, like what you focus on expands, you continue to look for those, you continue to find more of it and, and then, you know, the compound effect rolls in and you just get more and more of it.

[00:21:09] Bettina M Brown: Absolutely. And yeah, to, to think about it's almost like the saying you are who your 5 closest people are like a representation and you think about where you are and are you okay with it? Is it satisfying? If it's not satisfying, the only one who's responsible for changing it is you. And that means you have more power than you thought you did.

[00:21:31] Bettina M Brown: We don't always like all the choices, but they are what they are, you know? Yeah. 

[00:21:36] Lindsay Dunlap: So you said sometimes one of those things of, okay, so maybe it's a lesser of two evils in one situation. It's not all going to be sunshine and rainbows. You don't become a robot when you have the self-awareness, but you, you then get to learn what those emotions are telling you because it's all information.

[00:21:56] Bettina M Brown: Yeah. Yes. Listening to yourself. Do you feel that moms tend to forget? To listen to themselves 

[00:22:02] Lindsay Dunlap: 110% because there's so much noise. There's so much going on and we are judging ourselves based on what we, what we see other people doing, but we also don't have all of their story. We don't know what the support is that they have at home.

[00:22:24] Lindsay Dunlap: If you know, I am not a Pinterest mom. I am not , I'm not artsy, I'm not, you know, I, I'm not gonna be making the like beautiful Valentine's Day boxes or anything like that. And the moms that do, again, a couple years ago I would've been like, God, I suck. Like. I should be able to do this,

[00:22:52] Lindsay Dunlap: but now I get to recognize, wow, they have a gift. Like they're really talented. And so am I not in the same things, but we're both very talented. 

[00:23:06] Bettina M Brown: Yes. Yes. I have a I call her now my sister. She's a very good friend. And she always, she never has in her entire life bought any baked good for school. Like she will be, she's not my people.

[00:23:18] Bettina M Brown: And I'm like, I will never be that person. And she's a great baker. I really love consuming her food, but I just like, that is just never, never me. Yes, you can support her in that and tell her great job, make some more I'll buy but I will not do that. Where are you going? Like, what is going on with your business?

[00:23:42] Bettina M Brown: What programs have you have coming up? 

[00:23:46] Lindsay Dunlap: Starting in October, I have a beautiful community starting. It's called getting back to me my inner circle. So this is going to be kind of a combination of all of the 1 on 1 support and kind of unpacking of all the stuff that we, we get to do because as.

[00:24:10] Lindsay Dunlap: Moms and women, we get to just kind of pack all of our emotions in and we like to push it down and say, never mind. Until somebody pushes that button a little too many times, then it all explodes. And then you feel bad and it's on this vicious cycle. So the 1st, 2 months of the program, I get to do 1 on 1 coaching with each participant.

[00:24:32] Lindsay Dunlap: I, as part of my coaching. Certification, I also became certified in an assessment called the energy leadership index. So each participant gets to take that assessment and I get to do a debrief with them. And it really just gives us that starting point of how are you showing up? What are your triggers?

[00:24:55] Lindsay Dunlap: Are you happy with that? Yes or no. Okay. Where do you want to go? So that gives us our foundation and then throughout the year. So it's a yearlong program and then we'll move into group coaching. I've got different friends who are coming in as experts, a nutritionist to really talk about just healthy body.

[00:25:19] Lindsay Dunlap: You know, I had that kind of epiphany of it's not about whether I'm losing weight. It's about how am I fueling my body? What am I putting in my body? So I know I'm feeling the best I can. So I know that plays a huge part. I've got a friend of mine who is a declutter expert and just talks about how we just fill our lives with stuff and how that's energy draining a friend who is an expert in human design.

[00:25:42] Lindsay Dunlap: So, she's going to come in and talk about that. So I just. Get to give all of these experts to really help this community understand who they are outside of the mom, the wife, the employee, the business owner, whatever it is, because these are, these are ambitious women. They want to do more. But they keep stopping themselves for 1 reason or another.

[00:26:11] Lindsay Dunlap: So being able to go through all of those throughout the year, we're going to do a retreat at the end of the year, bring everybody together and just celebrate because. It's going to be one heck of a year. So we start that in October with the assessments and the one on one coaching. So that's what I'm really passionate about right now.

[00:26:33] Bettina M Brown: That’s really awesome. And it sounds like you are really helping women identify with who they are on a, on a molecular level, soul level, woman level, not just the roles that they're filling, but as. People themselves, because we can get, we can identify with our job, right? We think we are the HR person. I am the physical therapist, but that is what we do.

[00:26:59] Lindsay Dunlap: The labels are easy, right? It's when, because it's how you introduce yourself. Yes. Oh, tell me a little bit about yourself. Oh, well, I'm a mom. I'm a wife. I, you know, you, you rattle off all the labels, but who are you? Puts a whole another spin on life. And we don't generally take time to, to answer that question.

[00:27:22] Bettina M Brown: Lindsay is the all around woman, the wife, the mother, the business owner, and she is using her experience to help transform the experience of others. Really transformation into. What I always say at the beginning of my podcast, a life that is filled with joy in alignment with your hopes and dreams, well, to get to alignment, we can often and usually benefit from a mentor.

[00:27:50] Bettina M Brown: That is what a coach is, is a mentor to have someone who's been there, done that help guide you because they're a little further away. It is really something that every single one of us can benefit. from. So I encourage you to check out Lindsay Dunlap. And if you enjoyed this podcast, I ask that you go ahead and share it, put it in the hands and ears of someone who really will be able to transform because of the words that Lindsay discussed today and leave it a positive review.

[00:28:21] Bettina M Brown: It does so much to in the rising podcast and it helps put the word out there, right? You got to start changing things. And until next time, let's keep building one another up.