In The Rising Podcast- A Health and Wellness Podcast

Darlene Morant's Guide to Navigating Motherhood as a New Mom

October 22, 2021 Bettina M. Brown/Darlene Morant: Season 2 Episode 108
In The Rising Podcast- A Health and Wellness Podcast
Darlene Morant's Guide to Navigating Motherhood as a New Mom
Show Notes Transcript

In this episode of "Darlene Morant's Guide to Navigating Motherhood as a New Mom," host Bettina M. Brown is joined by Darlene Morant, a newborn care specialist and a mom of four children. Darlene shares her expertise and insights into supporting new moms and helping them identify the support they may need during the early stages of motherhood.

Darlene discusses her own personal journey of having four children close together and how that experience has shaped her understanding of the challenges faced by new moms. She emphasizes the importance of providing support to every woman as they navigate the joys and struggles of parenthood.

As a newborn care specialist, Darlene explains her passion for caring for infants and highlights the special moments of the newborn stage, from gentle massaging to witnessing their smiles and firsts. However, she also candidly shares the difficulties that arise as children grow older and start walking and talking.

The episode delves into the reality of the immense work and responsibilities that come with being a parent, particularly for women. Darlene acknowledges the unique challenges faced by moms as they juggle their own lives, careers, and the needs of their little ones. She offers valuable insights from her own experiences and expert knowledge in navigating these obstacles.

Throughout the conversation, Darlene's dedication to ensuring that every woman has the support they need shines through. She emphasizes the significance of creating a strong support system for new moms and acknowledges that the journey of motherhood is rarely a smooth one.

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[00:00:00] Bettina M Brown: Hello, hello, and welcome to In the Rising Podcast. My name is Bettina Brown, and this is the platform that I've chosen to talk about living a life that's in alignment with your hopes, your dreams, and your goals. Walking away from the posts that look like everything's perfect and we know they're not and basically shame and blame and guilt because it does nothing to move the needle forward in our life.

[00:00:32] Bettina M Brown: And my guest today is Darlene Morant, who is a newborn care specialist who really focuses on helping moms identify what support they may need, because you don't know until you're there. And she is the lovely mom of four children of her own and has so much to share. So, I'm excited to share with you. So, Darlene, I'm so glad that you're with me on this podcast today from Belize, my first South American exposure, live broadcast.

And, and so, you know, you express that you have four beautiful children. I've been to your website. They are gorgeous children and you've had them very close together and you're really big on supporting moms.

[00:01:23] Bettina M Brown: Can you kind of just go into a little bit background of. Where you went, where you were and like where you are right now. What's your goal? 

[00:01:32] Darlene Morant: Well, my goal is to make sure that every woman has support. That's my goal now, because I wanted four children. I didn't naturally know that they would come that close.

[00:01:43] Darlene Morant: However, that has been a blessing for me having them so close together, but that also meant that I had years of diapers, you know, so my, my whole life was a little schizoid for a moment. However, my career is also with newborns. I'm a newborn care specialist, so I'm constantly with babies, constantly with children.

[00:02:04] Darlene Morant: And. The newborn stage for me is the sweet spot. I love the care and the massaging and the smiles and you know, the gums. I love all of that portion of it. But once my children started to walk and talk, I was like, okay, so I'm not going to be a homeschool parent because you guys have to go to school.

[00:02:25] Darlene Morant: This is just not going to work out. So once learning that and going through it though, it's, it's a lot, it's a lot of work being a parent. It's a lot of work being a woman, much less. And now we have these little people who are talking. That's the thing that was the biggest for me. Once they started talking, I was like, I'm not hearing voices.

[00:02:45] Darlene Morant: Why am I hearing voices? And what are we going to do about these voices? Yeah. Because I was a child that was not to be seen or heard. Right from the Caribbean background that I grew up in, children aren't to be seen, not heard. But my children, I've changed some of my parenting. So, they can have a voice, but these voices aren't always the things that I want to hear.

[00:03:11] Bettina M Brown: So, you've done a lot of conscious parenting to change from your, how you were raised into right now. Was that, how do you have to consciously stay in that place every day or is it kind of easier now years into it?

[00:03:25] Darlene Morant: No, no, it never gets easier. It never gets easier. It gets more manageable. I'm a better parent now than I was when I started because I've grown.

[00:03:37] Darlene Morant: Through therapy through crafting because I craft a lot more now through just learning more about me has created me to be a better person and to be a better parent. But in the beginning, I was the same type of parent, but my mom was, you know, there's no to everything. Everything is be extra careful.

[00:03:56] Darlene Morant: Everything is, you know, over the top, but now. I listen more to my children. I laugh more. We have more fun. When they say things that makes my neck break, I make my neck break internally and not externally. So, I can kind of hear them a little bit more. And I find that if we don't have a support system, which I didn't have much of a support system when I started having my children, because I lived in a state where not many of my family members live.

[00:04:28] Darlene Morant: Right? So, I had to create a support system of just outside friends. And now that I'm going through a divorce and everything, it's very different, the transition for my children. So, it's important for me to be as structured as I can be in certain areas so that they can have a consistency that they need.

[00:04:48] Darlene Morant: Their life needs to be more fluid. 

[00:04:50] Bettina M Brown: Yes. I love how you pointed out. That this is a thing that does not necessarily get easier, but it's still rewarding. And I think it is so important, especially when you're a newer mom, because I was like, you're going to just give me this kid and I can go home. Like, I don't know.

[00:05:07] Bettina M Brown: You don't even know if I'm safe to take this child, but it's okay to have it be rewarding and not easy. 

[00:05:16] Darlene Morant: It is. It is completely okay for you to go off the rails. It is completely okay for you to leave your child, your screaming child in a crib and go sit in the bathroom toilet and cry. It's completely okay.

[00:05:28] Darlene Morant: There's no judgment on my website. There's no judgment on my blog. There's no judgment on my Instagram feed. When it comes to parenting, because we've always joked, I think as women that there is no manual that comes to children, but it's fact, everything that you go through is in the moment and you're a unique person dealing with it in the moment.

[00:05:49] Darlene Morant: So being able to rest, which is the platform that I created, being able to relax. Being able to experience being able to be strong and be able to have a testimony is extremely important in parenting. Yeah, yeah, 

[00:06:04] Bettina M Brown: Absolutely. And to know that it's okay to go off the rails because In that moment, I mean, and again, because some people I know they're going to go that.

[00:06:13] Bettina M Brown: So I'm just going to verbalize. We're not talking abuse. We're talking about you have your moment where you're just like, I'm done. I don’t know. It is okay to not have all the answers and to just have a little breakdown. But it's also so important for your children to see you as a human being and as a woman, not just as mom.

[00:06:35] Darlene Morant: That's right. There's so much to learn. That's where vulnerability comes in. And that's an extremely important statement for each mom. You still have to be a person. And the reason that now we are having this conversation is because in my 40s, I figured out, okay, I'm a middle-aged mom. I'm a perimenopausal mom and I'm lost all I've been doing for the last, you know, 12, 13 years is being a mom.

[00:07:01] Darlene Morant: I'm not just a mom to my children and moms, other people's children too in my profession. So, what happens now, however, recognizing from a, like a subconscious standpoint that my children need to see a vulnerable mom. They need to see a powerful mom. They need to see a woman. And you just see a real woman, that's what started to make the shift of like, okay, darling, you have to get back to the things that you love because then that allows you to give more love.

[00:07:29] Darlene Morant: You have to get back to the things that give you structure because that provides more structure for the children. And that's how this all started to turn around. Because you can easily go down the rabbit hole of parenting. And then when your children get to a certain age, you're like, okay, what's, what's going on?

[00:07:45] Darlene Morant: Who's on first? I don't know what I'm doing here. Yeah. 

[00:07:48] Bettina M Brown: And I think it's so important to figure those things out because I think it's Khalil Gibran that talks about, he has this book called The Poet where he talks that children Are through you that that we kind of think we own them, but they are their own individual people with their own wings and we are to help guide those wings.

[00:08:08] Bettina M Brown: But, you know, we don't own their experience so that means those disappointments there. We don't have to carry that I was a bad mom I let you down. Sometimes we have been bad moms, some we've had bad experiences but it is their growth. That the same issues and traumas that have shaped us and moved on, they experienced that too, but we can still be support for that.

[00:08:32] Darlene Morant: Correct. And support in a way that has gates, like fences with gates, rather than just fences that have to be climbed. And I mean, there needs to, my thought for that is there needs to be outlets. So, the gates are for when it's time for us to say, okay, you need to be on that other side of the fence.

[00:08:50] Darlene Morant: And I need to be on this side of the fence. 

[00:08:54] Bettina M Brown: I love the gate analogy. I think that's, I think I, I think that because in the mind, it just says there still has to be an outlet. Like it can't just stay within you or your child. For sure. And you know, when you have four children, I only have one, but when you have four children, that's a unique opportunity to see four creations adapt to their world.

[00:09:19] Bettina M Brown: And how do you go about providing them that support? Like, what, how, what is your conversation or how do you work with your children to let them know that they have these gates? 

[00:09:33] Darlene Morant: Let me just say that before I answer that question, is that having one is just as, as hectic as having four. And I think a lot of mommies that have one think that the mommies that have more are actually doing something different or they're doing something, you know, much bigger work because we have more children, but it's the same amount of drama.

[00:09:55] Darlene Morant: Okay. All the time. So don't take anything away from that. You have one, because all of the stages that I've had to go through, even though I go through them four times, you go through them with the one and for them to realize that they have outlets. My goal is to talk with my children because initially there was no talking for me.

[00:10:17] Darlene Morant: So right now, which is not the way society would have you to parent right now. My children spend a lot more time with their dad because of the assignment that I'm on. So, the assignment that I'm on is a live in assignment, so they spend more time on dieting than they do with me. Therefore, when I'm with them, or I talk to them every day or every other day, it's just, how are you doing?

[00:10:40] Darlene Morant: What, you know, what did you learn in school today? Tell me what happened. And if they are distracted, which they normally are, by either their gadget time that they're having at the moment, it's just, then I switch it. Okay, so what are you watching? Can, can you show me? Can I watch with you? You know, that opens them up to give me an insight into what they're doing, rather than me wanting it to be, “Oh, mommy loves you.”

[00:11:03] Darlene Morant: I need to, you know, how are you? You know what I mean? Because then they pull away because they want to be into what they're, they're experiencing. Yeah. And that has been, that has been challenging, but it's something that I've learned and I'm learning continuously is that as they get older to be more into what they want to talk about, what they are feeling.

[00:11:30] Darlene Morant: And then help them to frame it as best I can, because it's not, it's not about me, like you said, like it's not my experience. It's me guiding their experience. 

[00:11:42] Bettina M Brown: Yes. And in that guiding, not necessarily losing yourself either. With that. And so many of us do I  definitely did in the early years of my son, I wanted to be the perfect mom and I was just disappointed in not being that perfect vision.

[00:12:00] Bettina M Brown: But when I have the conversation now with my son, I learned this question, it was a conversation just, you know, between mom and mom where she was reading some book and she said, you know, she read somewhere and I don't remember where, of course, but. It's not just, I love you. Do you know, I love you, but asking the question in what ways do you know, I love you.

[00:12:21] Bettina M Brown: How do you feel? I show love to you. And that actually opened up a whole conversation in ways that I did not know how I was impacting my child. I thought he just wanted, you know, my money to buy them, whatever. But he, he, he really could tell me. What he appreciated and that filled my love tank bigger than just having a conversation about his day, you know, just to get on their level.

[00:12:48] Darlene Morant: That's amazing. I'm actually going to have to implement that. That's something I did. Great takeaway. That's something that I can definitely ask more of. Yes. Yes. And I think what I did with it and I didn't read them yet. I brought with me my children's journals. What I started to do was keep a journal for them, especially because I'm away from them a little bit at a time.

[00:13:09] Darlene Morant: So, I write a little note to them every day. Whether it's just, I love you. And then when I see them, I hand it over. Right. And then they get to read what I've written and write me little notes for a period of time. And then I take the journal back. So, they wrote this summer, they had it while they were in Jamaica with their grandparents and, you know, they didn't write enough, but when I write enough for me, but they wrote.

[00:13:33] Darlene Morant: So, when I talked to them, I'm like, did you write in your journal today? Did you write me a note today? And they, you know, they joke about it, but at least I know that they were thinking about it. And I was thinking about that. So, it helps them to see it, too, when you're writing and when you're talking to them in that way.

[00:13:50] Bettina M Brown: And that's, that's also amazing that you are encouraging a lot of family time and not just, it's all about mom, but this, you know, your father is important. Your grandparents are important and yes, you know, when you lose, we quote, lose time, but that time with other people is just as crucial.

[00:14:08] Darlene Morant:  Correct. 

[00:14:13] Bettina M Brown: What, what sparked the interest to get this website and blog going? Like what, what is your, what is your mission through this? 

[00:14:21] Darlene Morant: My mission is to make sure other Middle-aged mamas is mostly my sweet spot because we have a whole gamut going on. In your 40s, right, your brain starts to go a little haywire with emotions, your hormones are a little kind of wacky, and then you have these littles.

[00:14:39] Darlene Morant: So, it's for mostly moms with littles in their 40s, and I need for them to know that they're going to get through. Right. We're not going to go crazy. We're not going to lose ourselves in motherhood in our forties like I did. Let's not let it happen to you too. We're not having another me too movement with the mothering and the losing ourselves.

[00:14:59] Darlene Morant: So that's how I finally decided to say, you know, I need to write some of these things down. I need to support other moms with the things that I know. Whether it be via my profession or the things that I've learned about mothering my own Children whether it be challenges or great sweet spots because it's not hasn't been all challenges, but it's definitely been different than I expected.

[00:15:20] Darlene Morant: Yeah. Right. I created a fantasy in my head before I had children as to what motherhood was going to be like and trust me that. It has since been shattered because I thought my children are going to just latch and breastfeed and it's going to be, you know, none of that happened in my life. Yeah. 

[00:15:40] Bettina M Brown: Yeah. And you really focus on what I noticed is that you focus on creativity and you talk about crocheting in any, where do you feel that creative outlet may be missing for a lot of moms?

[00:15:57] Darlene Morant: I feel that we as parents, because we think as soon as we become a parent, it becomes all about this other little person, right? And even if we liked refurbishing furniture, whether it be a little stool or a dresser, everything after having children seems so big to do.

[00:16:16] Darlene Morant: And so, we do nothing. We just parent and we parent and we mother and we parent. We parent our spouse at times, we parent our children, we parent ourselves. But the time that it takes to refurbish a stool, the time that it takes to break ceramics and create a little mosaic, or to learn needlepoint, those are the times when our mind actually connects with us and who we are and what speaks to us.

[00:16:43] Darlene Morant: And so that's why I stick with the creative side. I learned to crochet and knit when I was in my teens. I mean, years and years ago, but it wasn't until after I had children that I started picking it back up again, because I needed an outlet that didn't require me to. Go build another storefront or take on another, you know, entrepreneurial journey at that moment, but something to, to center me in a way that I was still having fun and still recognizing me.

[00:17:10] Darlene Morant: Yeah. So that's, that's why I focused on crafting and creativity for some women crafting or creativity is them being able to take a jog every morning. And I mean, every morning, because some women love to run or, and that. Making sure that is a part of your schedule, part of your routine and doesn't get tossed to the side is where I focus on them having an outlet.

[00:17:33] Bettina M Brown: And so you, you know, you have your website with, with, with trainings coming soon. Where are you envisioning? Darlene, moving to like, where are you going? 

[00:17:44] Darlene Morant: Well, because COVID kind of switched or allowed everyone to pivot in a way. I will be moving to more virtual seminars for groups for moms, more motivational speaking for mommies as well.

[00:17:58] Darlene Morant: And I have some evergreen products that will come out over the next few months to just help new mommies with breastfeeding or help new mommies with getting their children to sleep because Even though there's a culture of just do, just do what you can do what you need to, I firmly believe that I've always taught my mommy's.

[00:18:23] Darlene Morant: If you get your child on a schedule, your life will be so much more so much easier. Even if they're now 10 and 11, it's harder to get them on a schedule, but I promise you it'll bring more, more normalcy to your life. Right? It's like a schedule. It could be every night at eight o'clock you're in bed. Some children don't go to bed till 10, 30, 11, but then when does mommy get to go to bed?

[00:18:49] Darlene Morant: When does mommy get to start? You know what I mean? So even something as simple as that. So, I've created moving on to more virtual workshops. So that I can free up some of my time and still support my community. 

[00:19:05] Bettina M Brown: Absolutely. And you know, with this you know, you reach more people when you're in a virtual space as well, because there are so many new moms and this is your job.

[00:19:17] Bettina M Brown: So you're combining your job and your mission together because you know, about those newborns where. Unless you've had a lot of family, you're really in the dark. And then the most I had, which was still something, but you know, even from my own mom. You know, the last baby she had was me and it was like 32 years ago, so it was, it was a long time ago and you know, they were stay at home moms that my mother-in-law at the time, and it's a different world when you work one, two jobs.

[00:19:46] Bettina M Brown: And how do you migrate that? And when you don't have the support system and when you are kind of lost and when you're, you know, there's all these other things that we have now, but, but it brings the same issues may be there, but we are in different worlds. 

[00:20:02] Darlene Morant: Correct, correct. So creating a sense of normalcy, creating rest, which is the acronym that I've created, creating rest for ourselves as parents, as mothers, as holding space for each other, I believe is a huge void.

[00:20:19] Darlene Morant: That hasn't been there because we each believe that we're doing this on our own, even with our support system. We believe that. Oh, you know, I have to do this because now I've birthed this little person and I have to do this all. No, there are things that we can delegate. There are things that we can ask for help with.

[00:20:35] Darlene Morant: And when it's time for us to relax so that we can actually feel our mind come like this, right? And say, okay, you're still a human. You're still worth it. It didn't matter that you got peed on today. You're going to be fine. It's going to be okay. It's necessary. It's necessary to do that and experience it.

[00:20:59] Darlene Morant: Don't just say. Oh my god, why I get beat on? I'm supposed to, no there's no supposed to, you just do it the way that you can. 

[00:21:21] Darlene Morant: Definitely strength. exercise looks like for my moms. If it looks like five minutes, you walk down to the corner and you come back, or you park at Target, you park in the far end of the parking lot and walk when you go get the groceries, then do that. Because I find we need physical strength. To rear our children, not just emotional strength, we need physical strength and it doesn't look like a size zero or a size 12 or a size 20.

[00:21:51] Darlene Morant: I'm not talking about a pan size. I'm definitely talking about physical body strength to be able to at least catch a ball with our child or pick them up and toss them over our shoulder. You know what I mean? So they can chuckle, whatever that requires in your family dynamic. Yeah. And then just share it with other mommies, share with other women.

[00:22:11] Darlene Morant: Let them know that, hey, today I got pooped on. Yeah, the poop came through the diaper. I was wearing it on my pants. I was wearing it in my hands and look, I survived. I'm okay. 

[00:22:23] Bettina M Brown: Yes. Yes. And, and I think that's where you said when you're, when you derail, it's so important because I had that same experience where my son, Mila Knight, projectile poop.

[00:22:33] Bettina M Brown: And I literally just cried. I just held his legs there and I just cried. And I couldn't even wipe my tears because they were loaded. And so I, my hands were loaded. And so in that moment, I'm like, did I ask for this? You know, and, and, and it was not that I didn't understand or, or the love of the miracle and the blessing, but those blessings come with some things.

[00:22:54] Bettina M Brown: And those are things that. You'll go through and, and that's okay. And then even the physical strength to hold a baby. It's always cute when you hold one for five minutes, but when they're yours, my arms were tired. I realized I didn't have enough arm strength to hold my own child. I was like, God, I want to put him down.

[00:23:12] Bettina M Brown: Nope. I got to pick him back up. And, and, and you don't realize the endurance of go, go, go, go. And I think, and it's not to downplay motherhood, but I think the more you can, when you, when it happens to you, like, yeah, I think I heard this and they laughed it off. At least I wasn't alone. At least this is I'm okay with that.

[00:23:32] Bettina M Brown: And I think with what you're doing and reaching out to new moms, especially because a lot of us don't have kids at 17 anymore. We're getting a little older that our body's a little different too. To really make that change. I think it's really great work. I 

[00:23:47] Darlene Morant: appreciate that. Thank you. I think moms, women in general are special creatures.

[00:23:53] Darlene Morant: And then to be able to not just birth, because I'm not talking about mommies that have had a C section or had a vaginal birth, I'm talking about foster mommies, I'm talking about mommies that adopt, I'm talking about mommies that surrogate. Yeah, all of those are mothers. Once you get the opportunity to have some other little person move into your life, right?

[00:24:15] Darlene Morant: There's some special things that come along with it, but there are also some challenges and the things that we see on Instagram and the things that we see on Google. They're not, they're not always real life. So I'm here to let the mommies know, Hey, it's going to happen often, but you're going to make it this other mom made it and this other mom made it.

[00:24:40] Darlene Morant: So we're going to get through and I don't think we talk about it enough, which is why I, you know, I do what I do. 

[00:24:47] Bettina M Brown: I don't think we talk about enough and in your own blog, you said, now just take your cape off for a moment, like the super mom and, and be with me just for a moment because the moment where a mom we, we reach for the cape.

[00:25:00] Bettina M Brown: And I think that being a woman we reach for the cape often not all, but, but many of us because it seems like it's as necessary as hairspray, and it's not it's definitely not important. So I am. I am so grateful for our time today. Tell us, tell the audience, please, like how they can get in touch with you, what your website is.

[00:25:20] Bettina M Brown: I'm going to post it anyway, but for us auditory listeners and learners. 

[00:25:25] Darlene Morant: Yes. I am at Darlene. Morant on IG. I'm at DarleneMorantConsulting. com is my website. And I, on Facebook, I'm Darlene. Morant. And I'm also creating a group that will come out a little later. on Facebook to support mommies. So that'll be a private group where moms can just come in there and spill the tea.

[00:25:48] Darlene Morant: You know, today I didn't make enough breast milk and I feel horrible. And other mommies can step in and say, you know, it's okay. Some mommies don't get breast milk and formula is fine because. It's really, really important to me. So you guys can find me on those platforms. It's important to me that we hold space for each other as mothers and not Instagram eyes.

[00:26:10] Darlene Morant: If I could use, I made up my own word, you know, parenting. If we can be as authentic and vulnerable for each other, I believe that we can get through our parenting and still come out on the other side because these children do grow up. Right? They do, you know, grow up. Some leave, some don't, but they do grow up and we still have to maintain ourselves because we have them afterwards.

[00:26:34] Darlene Morant: You know, afterwards we're left with ourselves once these children are grown and gone or grown and stayed. So, we, you know, nurturing ourselves through that process. 

[00:26:44] Bettina M Brown: So I took away. this conversation as I do with so many guests who are phenomenal in just their own life experience and using their professional and personal experiences to really change not only their own lives, but know that there's a legacy to leave for so many others.

[00:27:02] Bettina M Brown: I encourage you to get in contact with Darlene. She has so many new projects on the horizon to really help moms. Be the best moms in whatever year we start that off, right? There's idealism and then there's reality. And so if you found this podcast helpful, beneficial, share it with someone that would really benefit from it.

[00:27:25] Bettina M Brown: This podcast does so much more when it's in the hands and ears of those that it can make an impact and therefore create a change for. I also encourage you to leave a review. It takes very little time from you, but does so much to help put this in. The right hands at the right time. And until next time, let's keep building one another up!